Chapter 1 LoveandBloodRevisited
by RedLaceHeart
Summary: This is from the City of Lost Souls book. This is what happens in my depraved alternate fic. This is my first fanfic ever so please go easy on me... Other categories: Forced, non-con, incest, violence (For those of you who are against, be warned)
1. Chapter 1

Clary had been traveling with Jace and Sebastian for what seemed like forever.

She wanted desperately to live day to day and be happy, like the both of them seemed to be. Clary was caught between the two very different Sebastians: on the one hand there was the merciless demonic Sebastian that had murdered Hodge and Max without a second thought; and now there was this completely different Sebastian: the one who strolled through town with her, the one who was protective of her, that drank hot chocolate with her while reminiscing over nostalgic thoughts; thoughts she didn't even know he was capable of having. They were like two separate people and she trusted neither of them. She wondered at what Sebastian's true plan was. With Jace as his faithful puppet he was doubled in strength and credibility, and as a bonus, he had gotten Clary to come with them of her own free will. The Jace that was here was happy but seemed like a shell of his former glorious self. He trusted her explicitly but Sebastian, with his calculating eyes and his scheming mind, did not. Clary wondered, not for the first time, what it was that Sebastian wanted from her. Why did he need her? Did he need her or was she here simply to keep Jace happy? She wished she hadn't carelessly lost the faerie ring. She wanted so desperately to talk to Simon; she needed to hear his voice. She was pulled from her thoughts by a knock at the door.

She turned from her contemplation spot on the bed and called, "Come in."

Sebastian stood in the doorway holding an item of clothing carefully folded in his hands. Clary looked from the fabric to Sebastian.

"Where's Jace?" She tried for nonchalant and hoped Sebastian didn't notice her voice waver.

The last thing she needed was giving him the knowledge that she felt terribly uncomfortable being left alone with him.

"I sent him on ahead to prepare the sacred site. The Ceremony is tonight." Then he added as if he felt her discomfort. "There's no one here but you and I, little sister."

Clary kept eye contact, waiting for him to continue, not wanting him to know he set her on edge. He looked down at his hands as if remembering why he came in the first place.

"This is for you. I want you to wear it tonight to the Ceremony."

Clary strode to Sebastian and snatched the fabric-dress, she realized-and turned quickly around before he could see her lips tremble.

"Fine." Clary's head was spinning. Tonight. Something was going down tonight. Something big. She turned to shut the door but Sebastian still enveloped the entryway. She looked at him incredulously, waiting for him to leave so she could shut the door. He smirked that irritating lazy half-grin he had and leaned against the frame waiting for her to start changing.

Clary raised her eyebrows at him. "You're free to go. I can change by myself you know."

If he minded the way she spoke to him he didn't show it. He simply shrugged as if to say _worth a shot_ and walked away. By the Angel did she want to smack him.

Clary's eyes wandered back to the dress on her bed. She lifted it against her body. It was actually quite stunning. It shimmered a golden red that made Clary think that if mermaids were red, this may be what their scales looked like. She quickly dressed and decided she liked the feel of the fabric. It clung flatteringly to her body and was so soft on her skin. She heard water running downstairs and decided to sneak a peak into Sebastian's room to see if she could find out anything on the Ceremony or just his plans in general. She tip-toed barefoot across the hall and silently opened his door. His room was messy like the first time she saw it, black silk sheets thrown carelessly over the bed, clothes and books strewn across the floor. She poked her head back out into the hallway, listening for any changes. Water still running. _I suppose it's now or never,_ Clary thought as she slipped into the room.

She first looked to the desk at her right. Clary didn't even know what she was looking for, a checklist maybe?

It could go something like this:

MY EVIL CHECKLIST

1**)** Make Jace my evil brother **(**✔)

2**)** Rule with world ( )

Clary giggled. The thought was as funny as it was ridiculous. She found a couple snippets of formulas and numbers on pieces of paper but nothing that made any sense. She worked her way to the nightstand next to his bed. She pulled a stack of papers into her lap as she sat on his bed. Clary was hoping to find a picture of him giving Valentine bunny ears or something equally as out-of-character but to no avail. Again she giggled at the thought and at that moment she heard a throat being cleared in front of her.

Clary felt her spine turn to ice as her gaze shot towards the door. Sebastian casually leaned in the doorway, eyebrows arched.

"So," he said, "would it be deja vu if I asked what you were doing in my room, little sister?"

Clary's throat suddenly felt like sandpaper. She tried to pull off casual as she hazarded a response. "I didn't realize it was forbidden for me to be in your room."

Clary couldn't read the look on Sebastian's face as he was deciding how to respond.

"I just thought," she went on, "that I really don't know that much about you and I was hoping…to…" she trailed off. The look in her brother's eyes left the lie to die in her mouth. He was still watching her and she knew he didn't believe her. Not for an instant.

"So you were trying to find out about me by going through my drawers?" He asked. "What did you want to know? My shirt size?"

Clary laughed uncomfortably. How was she going to get out of this one? She stood up and held her hands out in a mock-shurg.

It was then that Sebastian's gaze darkened and his eyes raked her from head to toe. Clary looked down at herself. The dress. Right. She had forgotten that she was wearing it.

"You look beautiful, Clary" He said appreciatively.

Clary glared at the floor not wanting him to see the hate on her face.

"I um, better go finish getting ready." Clary sputtered and quickly strode to the door. Sebastian grabbed her wrist as she passed, stopping her retreat. She tried to pull her arm back.

"Let me go, Sebastian. I mean it."


	2. Chapter 2

His hand slip up from her wrist, encircling her upper arm with his fingers. Clary snapped her wrist back quickly.

"Don't touch me."

Sebastian's arm was on the door in front of her, blocking her exit.

"What fun would that be?" A lazy grin played at the corner of his mouth. "Back at the club you asked me who I belong to Clary." Sebastian was suddenly serious, the smirk gone from his face.

"Stop it." Clary turned her head away and stared at the door.

"I belong to you." He slid the back of his fingers down her cheek.

Clary clenched her fist at her side. "I said, stop it. I don't want to hear anymore."

"You know we belong together. You felt it when we met. The pull. You can't deny the obvious."

Clary looked at him then. Her eyes wide with disbelief. "I'm your _sister_." She spat.

"That didn't seem to matter when you thought it was Jace who was your brother."

Clary felt her face flush hot.

"No, that's not true-" She denied meekly.

"So it's okay if it's Jace. You'd burn the world down for Jace. What about me, Clary?"

Clary waited a length before answering. "What about you?"

Something flashed through Sebastian's gaze so quickly, Clary wondered if she imagined it.

"You belong to me, Clary. I belong to you. We belong to _each other_."

Clary didn't like where this was going. She tried to move past his arm but he caught her wrist again.

"Clary…"

But she didn't wait to hear what he had to say. Clary pushed hard at his chest, catching Sebastian off-guard as she dashed past his arm, down the hallway and hit the steps with a clatter, racing for the downstairs. She heard Sebastian's boots loud on the glass staircase behind her, but didn't dare look back, knowing he must be right on her heels. Sooner than she hoped his fist closed on the back of her dress, jerking her backward and sending her crashing into his torso. She felt the wind whip past as he swung her up off her feet and slammed her into the wall, knocking the breath out of her.

"Do you really think there's a place on this earth you could go where I couldn't find you?" He snarled.

Clary gasped trying to regain her breath. She couldn't leave the house. She hadn't been thinking. She panicked and fled without forming any sort of plan as to what she was actually going to do. Still, she had run. She had set the wheels in motion by her impulsive need to put as much space between them as she could.

Sebastian had taken her silence as compliance. He traced the silhouette of the dress against her hip and touched his face to hers, inhaling the scent of her hair.

"You smell like the sun on a rainy day Clary. Did you know that?" He played with a curl by her temple.

Deciding there's no turning back now, Clary stomped on his foot, hard, and his grip loosened. She jerked away from him and immediately turned toward the bedroom at the bottom of the stairs, hoping she could get there to lock the door before he got to her. Sebastian stepped of the hem of her dress ripping it up her leg and causing her steps to falter. He seized the moment, coming up behind her a grabbing her shoulders with his hands as he pushed her back into the wall, this time pinning her there with his body holding her arms by her sides.

His grin was diabolical. He pressed her back harder against the wall. She could feel his chest rise and fall against hers. He stared into her eyes, his raw hunger prevalent. She flinched as he brought his face close to hers. He looked down at her and she felt him inhale sharply. Suddenly, he brought his mouth to hers, hard, suffocating. Sebastian's hand was moving to the side where Clary's dress had ripped, feeling the skin of her bare thigh. An ice pit dropped in her stomach and panic rose in her throat wanting to break free but Sebastian's mouth held hers hostage. She rose up on her tip-toes and bit down on his lip until she tasted blood.

He yelled and spun away from her, his hand to his mouth.

"Seriously?! We were having a _moment,_ Clary!"


	3. Chapter 3

She shot by him, running this time for the stairs.

She was halfway there when she felt him grab her by the end of her dress, effectively ripping it to her stomach. She missed her footing and went down, smacking her jaw on a step. Sebastian stood over her, his eyes shimmering black like a shark's. The light reflected on his hair gave the impression of a halo. A very false impression, Clary thought. Nothing could be further from the truth.

She kicked out at him suddenly, causing him to jump back and with all her remaining strength, ran as fast as she could towards the first room she came across that could put some space between them. She got as far as the doorway before Sebastian slammed into her, sending her flying forward. She hit the ground and regained her composure just in time to hear a click behind her. Clary looked up. Sebastian had locked the door to the room. His room.

Clary slowly got to her feet trying to discreetly take in her surroundings to form a strategy. Sebastian gaze was fixed on her, eyes burning with lust.

"This is how that dress should have come," he was staring at the tear running across her stomach and down her leg, his face dangerous.

Clary was desperately looking for an exit, another room, something to fight with, anything. Sebastian took advantage of her distraction and sprang at her then, knocking her on the bed and pinning himself on top of her. This was not good. On the wall she at least had leverage she could push off with, but with him on top of her, his body weight alone prevented her from moving even without his hands restraining her. Sebastian's eyes were dark with a predatory hunger. Clary tried to wriggle free to no avail.

"You aren't going anywhere now, Clary."

Sebastian's face lowered to her cheek, tracing a circle with his nose before dropping to nuzzle her neck. He seemed to be taking pleasure in making her squirm. Clary shut her eyes and tried to block out everything. This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't.

"Why do you hurt me, Clary?" Sebastian was asking into her neck, his breath hot and ragged. "I just want to love you…"

Clary laughed humorlessly. "You only love yourself, Sebastian."

"I love you." He said it like it was the most simple truth he knew.

Clary was clenching and unclenching her fists. "You're fucking psychotic."

He propped himself up on an elbow so he could look at her. "Well that's not very nice, nor entirely true."

His eyes raked down to her torn dress, the slim fabric being the only thing shielding her body from his eyes.

Her look was pure venom.

"You look like you don't trust me, little sister."

Clary shivered. "I can't imagine why," She snapped. "you only have me pinned to your bed against my will."

Sebastian gazed at her thoughtfully and then shrugged with an easy smile.

"Alright, you win."

He loosed his grip on her arms and sat back across the bed, allowing her to sit up on her own accord. Clary was momentarily stunned. Maybe, just maybe, there was a way out of this after all, Clary thought. His eyes were trained on hers from the other end of the bed, knowing she had nowhere to go. Clary thought he was like a cat watching a goldfish try to swim away in it's small glass bowl, the cat ultimately knowing the effort was fruitless.

Clary was looking around for something with some weight to it. If she couldn't escape, and she couldn't reason with him, she could at least find something heavy enough to render him unconscious until she was able to safely get behind a locked door.

Or until Jace returns.

_Jace_.

Her chest tightened. Her thoughts strayed to him and the pain returned with the bittersweet thought of him. He wasn't her Jace anymore, she had to remind herself. He seemed happy here but she knew it was a lie. This wasn't the Jace with the fire in his eyes. The Jace that took orders from no one. This was not her Jace. The thought of him almost brought tears to her eyes. Sebastian started unbuttoning his shirt and once again, Clary was shaken from her thoughts.

Clary glanced over horrified. "What... are you doing?"

Sebastian eyed her wearily. "You got my shirt all messed up from your tantrum. It's a very expensive shirt, you know."

Clary's eyes bulged. "My _tantrum_?! I was not throwing a tantrum, I was trying to get away from you!"

"And now you're sitting on my bed watching me undress." He glanced sideways at her and grinned, clearly amused.

"I was not-I…" Clary spun around and focused on the wall, too flustered to finish. She heard the rustle of fabric as his shirt dropped to the floor. His voice was suddenly in her ear and Clary startled.

"Don't be embarrassed…it's nothing you haven't seen before…" Sebastian wrapped his arms around her and she felt the heat of his body through her dress and on her back. She didn't want to turn around. She didn't want this to be happening.

"Turn around, look at me," Sebastian murmured into her hair.

His hands trailed up and down the skin on her arms, gently. More gently, Clary had to admit, than she thought he was possibly capable of.

"Clary…" He whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

Clary squeezed her eyes shut in hopes that Sebastian would vanish and she'd wake up, this all a bad dream in bed with Jace's arms snuggly around her; the whole moving-dimensional house and the bond between Sebastian and Jace all just a terrible nightmare. The heat suddenly left her back. Clary opened her eyes and Sebastian was in front of her, eyes calculating. She jumped in surprise. How was he so quiet? He reached up and smoothed a strand of hair from her face. Clary glared and slapped his hand away. Anger flashed in Sebastian's eyes and he pushed her backwards so roughly Clary felt bruises exploding on her skin. She hit the bed and her hair spilled out all around her like a sea of wildfire. Sebastian was already there and repositioning himself securely on top of her. She pushed at him with her hands in a vain hope of pushing him off of her. He grabbed her hands and secured them above her head with one of his own. His other hand slid down her waist to the tear in her dress sending electricity up her spine. Sebastian clutched the tear and Clary's eye widened in realization as he ripped the remainder of her dress in half, leaving her naked beneath him. Sebastian eyed his handiwork approvingly. Clary's face was on fire. No one had seen her naked, not even Jace.

Humiliation colored her face scarlet. Clary turned her head away, not wanting to give Sebastian the satisfaction.

"You're beautiful Clary. I can see why Jace was so enthralled."

"You disgust me." Clary spat.

The smile slid from Sebastian's face.

"You do remember, don't you?" He began, his lips curling at the corners.

"That whatever marks Jace marks me. Are you telling me the nail scratches on my back aren't from you?"

Clary felt sick. A dull thud of rage pounded from between her eyes.

"It's none of your business." Clary looked away.

Sebastian caught her jaw in his hand and forced her face to his. His eyes were wild.

"It's every bit of my business, dear sister. You can't break the bond between us by having _sex with him_. You belong to me."

"I. Don't. Belong. To. You." Clary laced every word with loathing. "You sick bastard."

Sebastian's angelic lips curled in a cruel smile.

"I think you know better than that."

He brought his mouth to hers again, unrelenting. His free hand tracing up and down her now-bare skin. He skimmed his nails against the soft flesh of her breast causing her to flinch.

Clary started to shake. She was cold but more so she was terrified. Sebastian looked down at her, eyes glazed over.

She looked up at him, eyes pleading, "Sebastian, please don't do this."

"You leave me no choice, Clary. You belong to me and I'm going to show you that I own you."

"No, it doesn't have to be like this."

"Clary, Clary, Clary. Don't be such a prude. Just try me. Satisfaction, guaranteed." He winked.

Clary felt the tears she'd been holding back cascade down her cheeks.

"Please no…"

Sebastian nuzzled his nose by her ear, his lips on her cheek.

"Sebastian I don't want t-" Clary was cut off as he once again pressed his lips to hers. His kiss was hard and greedy. His tongue invaded her mouth, claiming it like a prize.

His other hand traveled down her body, the heat of his chest burning into hers. She felt like she was on fire, like his touch was acid. She tried to squirm, get her legs out so she could maybe kick him. No good. He was too heavy. The only thing she could move was her head. Clary had an idea. Clary jerked back then brought her head up to his in a headbutt with so much force she sent him backwards. He was stunned but recovered quickly, backhanding her so hard she saw stars. She jumped off the bed and punched him in the face with everything she had. He replied by catching by her throat and throwing her into his desk which shattered with the impact. Clary lie in the heap of splintered wood. Naked. Wooden bits were stuck in her legs and arms and were now bleeding freely. Sebastian swiftly kicked a crushing blow to her ribs and Clary choked out blood, doubling over. She crumpled on the floor, pain shooting through her in spasms. Sebastian stood over her, eyes cold.

"You broke my desk."

Clary coughed and sputtered, blood dripping onto the floor.

"Technically… you broke your desk."

Sebastian's gaze was unflinching. He grabbed her by the arm and yanked her to her feet. Clary let out a cry. She was sure one of her ribs was broken. He turned her to face him. She saw her reflection in his dark eyes.

"I was going to do this the nice way, Clary but you didn't want that."

With a fluid motion he shoved her onto the bed, belly-down, and straddled her hips. From this position there was little resistance she could make.

Sebastian pushed a her legs apart with one of his own. She struggled to push herself up with her hands and tried to turn around. A hand wound around her neck and shoved her face down into the bed. Clary heard the sound of a zipper and she froze. She knew what that sound meant. Sebastian's pants were undone and he had positioned himself between her legs. Dread turned her whole body cold. There was nothing she could do, no training she'd received that could have gotten her out of this situation. She sobbed. He whole body ached. Sebastian's hot breath was on her ear.

"Are you ready Clary?"

With that he pushed into her. She screamed. She felt violated. Her body felt like a wishbone that was about to snap. It hurt more than she thought she could bear. Sebatsian stopped and pulled out giving her a moment of reprieve. Clary let out a breath she didn't know she was holding just before he slammed back into her with agonizing force. Clary choked out another scream and was now openly sobbing.

Her mind went numb with the terrible thought, _I can't believe this is happening… I wanted Jace to be my first. How can I ever look at him now?_

Sebastian released his hold on her head to get a better grip on her hips, his nails sinking into her sides. He was thrusting harder, faster making Clary's insides shatter. The pain made her dizzy and nauseous.

"You're hurting me!" She cried, barely audible. "I'm going to break in half."

Sebastian glared at her but slowed his pace.

"Please," she gurgled on her own blood. "I-" Her world started to go black. Clary was spinning down a dark, bottomless vortex. Then all was quiet.


	5. Chapter 5

She was floating blissfully in a large dark body of water but felt completely at peace. At times she hovered over the water and other times she lie beneath it. At the moment she was beneath it watching the light fragment all around her as it traveled from the surface. She thought she could hear voices from above her watery dwelling. Clary willed her body upwards toward the surface and blinked into the darkness. Something felt strange. Her feet started to tingle. Her face felt cold. She looked around for the source but found nothing in her eternal, comforting blackness. Something tickled the edge of her mind and she let herself be pulled toward it.

Clary started to slowly regain consciousness. She heard voices outside of her door. She leaned forward to listen, catching bits of the conversation.

"It was a success like you said, although there weren't as many Shadowhunters as we hoped."

"Not to worry. They'll come. When they see how completely outmatched they are, they'll cower and beg like they always do."

"It's a shame Clary wasn't able to witness it. She's recovering fine though, right?" Clary thought she heard a touch of panic to the voice.

"She's fine, Jace. She's recovering quite well and should be waking up anytime now."

"I can't believe she slept through the whole thing."

"She looked like she really hit her head when I found her. She must have been getting ready and hit the sink or something."

"Clary really is a klutz. How does she go from killing demons to knocking herself out in the bathroom?"

The voices faded off and Clary figured they must have moved to another part of the house.

She sat up and turned on the lamp beside her bed. Clary looked around the room and then down at herself. Everything looked just as she'd left it. She looked for bits of broken desk in her arms but found nothing. Her hand slipped to her ribs. They too, felt normal. Did she really dream that whole thing? Something happened judging from the conversation she'd heard but what? There's no way she imagined that. I was too real. Too vivid. Clary shuddered at the memory then slipped out of bed, her bare feet touching the cold floor as she padded to the kitchen for a drink of water. She was standing at the counter quietly musing to herself when an arm snaked around her waist.

"You're up." The voice was bright and Clary turned. Her eyes were met with another pair of liquid gold.

Jace.

She turned and allowed herself to melt into his body. He rubbed his hand on her back absently.

"How are you feeling?"

Clary let out a large sigh. How was she feeling? Confused. Shell-shocked. Stir-crazy.

"I don't know." She replied honestly.

"Are you hurt anywhere?" He was inspecting her body for damage.

"No, no…I'm fine…I just-What happened to the Ceremony?"

"Oh, it went well. We raised Lilith who gave her blood so we could make anti-Shadowhunters. Only a few came but the results were really impressive. I wish you could have been there." His voice then dropped almost to a whisper.

"What happened, Clary?"

"Wha-?" She looked up at him.

"I was really worried when Sebastian showed up without you."

"Oh.." She wasn't quite sure how to respond. Was it really a dream? She didn't feel different. Not really. She must have blacked out somehow but she didn't know. The only thing she could think of is fighting with Sebastian. She wanted to spill her fears to Jace that Sebastian had it out for her. This Jace wasn't on her side when it came to Sebastian though. She couldn't confide in him. Again, the pain in her chest returned.

"I don't know." She said again.

Jace looked at her sideways for a long minute.

"You should be more careful, Clary. We're starting a revolution and the last thing we need is you constantly hurting yourself."

Clary felt like she'd just been slapped. She nodded absently because she wasn't sure what else to do. Jace took it as an agreement and an angelic grin lit his face. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't. Lilith had been raised. Dark Shadowhunters had been made. What else had happened while Clary was out? She was brought back from her thoughts by the feeling of Jace's fingers under her chin.

He lifted her face to his in the faintest brushing of lips. Clary slid her hands around his neck, curling her fingers in his hair. She knew it wasn't her Jace but her body couldn't help but respond. After all, she rationed, she just needed something that felt _right_ in this sick nightmare. Jace felt right. The way his hard chest pressed against hers. The way he held her face while they kissed. The way he was now pressing his body into hers. Their kisses became more than lips brushing. They became needy, desperate. Clary opened her mouth to him and forgot about everything else. Jace's hands found the small of her back as he pulled her closer to him. She felt his heart beating in his chest echoing through her collarbones.

A cleared throat interrupted them.

Sebastian stood on the other end of the counter eyebrows raised.

"What _are_ you doing to my sister? Eating her face?"

Jace chuckled and unhinged himself from Clary. Clary's face was on fire.

"I forgot we were in the kitchen. We could go to my room if you want." Jace was looking at her expectantly, seductively.

"Actually," Sebastian cut in, before Clary could answer. "I need you to run an errand for me."

"That time already?" Jace shook his head smiling. "I may be a bit. That one's a doozey."

"I can go with you." Clary said a little too quickly. "It'd be faster with the two of us."

Sebastian eyed her steadily.

"I think not, Clary. As skilled of a Shadowhunter as you've shown yourself to be, you still have yet to prove you can be trusted. I don't need you trying anything stupid."

"It's no big deal," Jace was carefree as always. "It's a meeting with a warlock. Not dangerous, just tedious. I'll be back soon." He kissed her forehead affectionately.

All too soon, Jace was vanishing out of the side of the wall with promises to finish what they started earlier. She watched the wall several minutes after he'd left hoping foolishly for him to come right back.

Sebastian was still watching her from across the counter.


	6. Chapter 6

"Well," Sebastian said, after a spell. "As amusing as it is to watch you watch the wall, I'm going upstairs to work on a couple things." He got up stretching. Clary watched him walk upstairs without so much as glancing back at her. She really had dreamed that.

Clary sat in silence. She didn't quite know what to do with herself. She felt rejected. It wasn't that she wanted to help them with their cause, but she wanted to do _something_ instead of being cast aside. Again she thought of Simon. She hoped everyone was okay and not completely panicking. Her mom would be soon. Simon wouldn't be able to hide her absence from Joyclen forever. Clary went to the fridge for another glass of water. She stopped with her hand on the door. There was a bottle of red wine on the counter that Sebastian had opened last night. Clary uncorked it and took a whiff. Strong, pungent, odor wafted to her nose. What the hell, she thought and poured herself a glass. The liquid was sweet and sour and acrid all at the same time but not at all unpleasant. Clary felt the prickles of warmth inside her throat and decided she liked it. She drained the glass and poured another, now starting to feel the warmth in her cheeks. She took her glass with her to the sofa and reclined, deciding wether she wanted to put a movie on or not. Clary heard steps descending the stair and looked up to see Sebastian. He looked momentarily surprised to see her. His eyes went to the glass in her hand then back to her face.

"I see you've found my reserve." He smiled in amusement.

Clary nodded appreciatively. "I see why you like this stuff so much."

A giggle bubbled up from her stomach. Sebastian reclined on the couch next to her, his foot resting on his opposite knee. Clary took a huge swallow, loving the feeling of it as it warmed her insides. It made her feel relaxed. At ease. She looked over at Sebastian who had a grin playing at the corners of his mouth. She smiled, the feeling of lightness sailing through her.

"I'm gonna go pour another glass." She started to stand.

Sebastian put out a hand. "I'll go grab it. I want to grab a glass for myself anyways."

He strode into the kitchen as Clary watched after him. Every move he made was so graceful. Clary was jealous. She was about as graceful as fish trying to climb a tree. Sebastian returned with another glass and the bottle of wine.

"You look like you're about to sneeze." He observed.

"I was just thinking…" Clary paused to take a sip of the wine Sebastian had just poured in her glass. "That it's not fair that everything comes easy to you."

Sebastian stopped his glass midway to his face and, instead, set it on the coffee table. He studied her.

"What makes you say that?" He finally asked.

Clary took a big gulp of her wine before setting it next to his. Although when she opened her mouth, all that came out was giggles. She found the way he seriously leaned toward her very funny all of the sudden. He lifted an eyebrow quizzically.

"I'm sorry it's just-you're SO serious!" Clary broke out in a fit of laughter.

"You're all Mr. Dark-and-Mysterious." She continued. "You look like this."

Clary scrunched her face together and knit her eyebrows down until she couldn't see anything above her nose. At that she heard Sebastian choke back a laugh. She looked up and grinned.

"My face looks like that, huh? Well that is just…quite disturbing."

Clary grabbed for her wine glass and took another swig before setting it back. Sebastian filled it though it wasn't empty. Clary studied his face, not for the first time since she'd been here. His features were so lovely and angelic. His eyes were an unusual black that Clary found disturbing but his high cheekbones and his perfect lips were quite enthralling, she had to admit. And he had long eyelashes that most women would kill for. It took her a moment to realize that Sebastian was looking back at her. Clary felt her face flush and grabbed for her glass again. She looked down into it and saw red reflections play on her skin from the combination of the light and the wine. Color danced on her hand. She was enamored. While she was gazing at her hand she noticed, almost as an afterthought, that he wine had little trails of a silvery sheen shining through it. It reminded her of the faerie juice at the club. She looked back up at Sebastian.

"Did you put faerie juice in my wine?"

Sebastian took a sib from his own glass before answering. "I put a small amount in the whole bottle but I wasn't expecting you to drink it."

Clary looked down at her glass and back up at him again.

"You only put a _small _amount?"

Sebastian pulled out of his shirt, a small cylindrical vial that was mostly full of a shimmering silvery liquid.

"See? A very small amount. Just enough to take the edge off."

Clary snatched the vial from his hands. The liquid was so pretty and she felt so amazing when her and Jace ingested it... Clary uncorked it and took a swig.

Color exploded from everything like fireworks. Her hands alone were like a mosaic of colors, swirling around like Van Gogh's _Starry Night_.

She looked up at Sebastian. His hair was iridescent like faerie wings. It didn't even seem real. She reached out to touch it. She let it fall through her fingers and it seemed like a silver stream, light as a feather. Clary realized she was almost smooshing Sebastian into the back of the sofa when a movement caught her eye. An intake of breath, a small movement but one that her eyes followed non-the-less.

His lips were cherubically shaped and seemingly full of unexplored mystery. Clary tore her gaze from his lips to his eyes. Sebastian was watching her very intently. He looked, Clary thought, like someone sneaking up on an animal they didn't want to scare. She looked back to his lips. It was strange. She had seen so many faces and so many people, how was it that she was mesmerized by something so simple. The colors of the lips swam about like glitter. Clary reached out a finger to pin a speck in place. She didn't even realize, until his hand was on hers, that she was touching his lips. She looked back into his eyes again. This time, they were laced with a look of intense desire. Clary couldn't explain it, perhaps it was the intense amount of wine coursing through her body, although Clary suspected it was the faerie juice. But the Clary that suspected anything at all was in another room, or another house even. She could try to hear what the other Clary was saying but it wasn't getting through. Something about Sebastian being wrong and…something else…maybe even, someone…else…Clary studied Sebastian's face. It was one that would easily be scouted by talent recruiters. He was so beautiful but there was something nagging on her mind.

Something she needed to remember…


	7. Chapter 7

The warmth on the back of her neck as Sebastian slowly pulled her into a kiss was unexpected but strangely delightful.

How could anything be wrong from someone so beautiful, said the bubbling feeling inside her head. The kisses were slow and soft. A nip of a lip gently between the other two. The sweep of a tongue across the edge of teeth. The parting, allowing access of the further regions of the mouth. The, at first lazy swirling of tongues and lips, and then gradually the more passionate play. From seemingly nowhere, a burst of desire and boldness shot through her body and Clary straddled Sebastian, hands in his hair while she kissed him deeper. He grabbed her and pulled her even closer towards him, their bodies clashing on the sofa. Clary broke the kiss and leaned her head back while Sebastian took the opportunity to kiss and run his teeth along her neck. Involuntarily a moan escaped her lips. Clary pulled her head back and was now looking at the collarbones peeking out from the neck of his shirt. His skin was lined with scars from Marks long since healed. Clary traced her fingers across the raised skin. The marks were swimming along the pond called Sebastian's skin. She traced the runes with her fingers down until they were hidden beneath his shirt. Sebastian, not taking his eyes off her, slowly raised his shirt above his head and discarded it on the floor beside the sofa. Clary continued her trail down his chest, his tight stomach, along his lower belly where a small trail of silvery-white hair disappeared into his pants. She stopped and looked back up at him. His gaze was dark though he made no move towards her. The faerie juice and the wine was singing in her veins. This all felt like a dream. She traced the runes back up his chest and stopped. There was one that had been traced several times over his heart.

It was more raised than the rest and looked like it was always battling to heal. Clary bent down a kissed the scared skin, thinking the irony of it tragic. Runes you carved into yourself to be protected and this one, it seemed, hurt the most and was the last to heal.

Sebastian's hands went to Clary's arms and she looked up at him questioningly.

"Let's go to another room, shall we?" His voice was husky and the sound of it made the hairs on Clary's neck stand but she only nodded.

He swept her up and brought her into a bedroom. Clary didn't look around so she didn't know which but didn't let her mind linger on the thought. Something was still troubling the back of her mind but it was too much to think about right now. Right now she was enjoying herself. The warmth in her veins making her forget everything but the moment at hand. Sebastian set her on her feet and Clary, feeling suddenly brave, began pulling her own shirt over her head, watching Sebastian as she did. Sebastian stared intently. She smoothed down the skin of her arms, enjoying the feeling. Sebastian sat on the bed and pulled Clary into his lap. She found herself drawn to his hair again.

"Clary?" He spoke into her chest.

"Hmm?" She replied, absently playing with his hair.

"We don't have to do anything if you don't want."

She was just about to reply that she wasn't even sure what he was talking about, that she felt _so good_ and everything was so beautiful when something pressed on the inside of her thigh. Sebastian was tracing his hand on the inside of her leg. His fingers went higher until they found her center. He was rubbing circles on the outside of her jeans and a feeling like wildfire shot out from between her legs. Sebastian unbuttoned her jeans and tried to slip a hand inside but the way she was sitting on his lap made it increasingly hard to do so. He wrapped an arm around her back, keeping her body locked onto his, then turned and laid her on the bed. He pulled her jeans away leaving her in her bra and panties.

Clary giggled. "The ceiling is swirling!"

Sebastian kissed her forehead, her cheekbones, her lips, her throat moving down her body. He relieved her of her bra and kissed her exposed breasts. He trailed his teeth lightly over them. Clary inhaled sharply. Sebastian's other hand found it's way between her legs once more. He was moving in deliberate, slow circles on her panties until she started to move with his hand. His other hand traced her nipples interchangeably with his mouth. He slid his hand in her panties feeling the hot warmth of her beneath his fingers. Clary moaned again. Sebastian relieved her of her panties while lightly biting the inside of her thigh.

Her fingers in Sebastian's alabaster hair once again, she formed words, barely a whisper.

"Sebastian…ohhh…"

He brought his body back up to hers.

"Tell me you want it. We won't do it unless you want it, Clary. Say it."

Clary eyes were closed, enjoying the intense feelings but she managed a breathless reply. "I want it…"

Sebastian kicked his pants off and brought himself between her legs. She pulled his shoulders toward, loving the feeling of his body on hers, as they locked in a heated kiss. Clary felt Sebastian's length pressed against her inner leg. She arched her back towards him. He slid a hand between them and pushed a finger inside her. Clary gasped.

She felt him grin against her lips as he removed his finger and with a graceful, fluid motion entered her. Clary's head shot back in a moan. Sebastian cradled her neck and brought her face back to his. He was moving slowly, rhythmically. The fire was building inside her. Clary began to follow his lead and move her hips along with him. It was spectacular. Clary wrapped her legs around his back giving him deeper access to her. She fisted his hair as he began moving faster now, a thin veil of sweat starting to gleam on the two of them. Sebastian paused, took Clary's ankles and positioned them over his shoulders pushing down even farther into her. Clary gasped again feeling the full length of him. Sebastian was pumping again, faster now. More intensely. Clary heard herself cry out his name and was surprised at the sound that escaped her lips. She was feeling so incredibly good. Sebastian now had her feet over her head and was pounding into her hard and fast. Everything was building towards a massive crescendo. Sebastian gave a few last hard thrusts before loudly finishing, and emptying himself into her. He collapsed on top of her, still inside. Clary felt the excess leaking onto the bed beneath her. His hair looked almost translucent plastered to his face with sweat.

Sebastian propped himself up on his hands and looked down at her.

"You did much better that time." He grinned devilishly.

"Wha-" Was the intelligible reply Clary had to offer.


	8. Chapter 8

Though she was sweating, Clary's body turned cold.

She felt her stomach hit her feet.

She was sobering quickly, coming back from her faerie-induced waking dream.

"What did you say?"

Sebastian pulled himself off her and stood, reaching for his clothes.

"Well I'll give you one thing little sis, you really were a virgin. Didn't see that one coming. It's like getting two drinks out of the vending machine for the price of one!"

Sebastian grinned wickedly.

Clary stared, horrified.

"But you said…I did…"

"What, hit your head? You actually believed that load of bull? I had to _iratze_ the bloody hell out of you and I left you home so the marks would be gone by the time Jace saw you."

"But Jace…if I hurt you, I hurt him too. Didn't he notice his wounds?"

"Jace remembers what I tell him to."

Sebastian eyed her momentarily before continuing.

"You may want to clean yourself up. Jace won't be gone forever and though I'd love for him to see you splayed out, naked on my bed with my semen dripping out of you, I'm sure you don't."

Clary sat staring at the floor. She felt numb all over. Sebastian, already dressed, came and sat next to her, putting an arm over her shoulders. Any other time, from any other person, the gesture would be one of comfort. This, however, was not that situation and the gesture was not comforting.

"Come now Clary, you really shouldn't be so surprised. It was all planned out from the beginning. This was always supposed to happen. You do realize why I look like Valentine and you look like Joyclen, don't you? We're supposed to rule, Clary. You and I. We're what can bring order to the Clave and balance the world. Not politics, Silent Brothers, or even Angels and Demons. We were genetically engineered to merge, the fuse the bloodlines. You think it's a coincidence? I have demon blood, you have angel blood. It's never been done. It was already set in motion long ago."

When she didn't respond, he continued.

"Don't feel bad about it. You can't fight the inevitable. I did tell you. You belong to me. I belong to you. We belong _together_."

Clary was still staring at the floor. She hadn't so much as blinked.

Sebastian leaned forward, looked into her face and shrugged.

"Guess you're not the chatty-after-sex type. Well," He stretched, standing. "I don't know about you but I'm famished."

With that he turned and left.

Clary's head was swimming. She couldn't process. It was so much…What had she done? She stood and dragged herself to the bathroom to clean herself up, only vaguely aware of her movements. She could never let Jace know. Even if this wasn't her Jace she couldn't tell him. She couldn't bear how he'd look at her if he knew that she'd slept with her _brother_. Twice now, and the second time willingly!

No, no, no, no, no...this wasn't happening...

It set her resolve. Clary had to escape. She had to get out of here. She felt like she may unravel if she stayed. Maybe Sebastian would break her, maybe he'd turn her into exactly what he wanted her for. Clary shuddered and shook her head to clear it of her thoughts. Right now, she had to stay calm and form a plan. It wouldn't do her any good to loose her head. It would only raise Sebastian's suspicions and she'd have a far more difficult time getting away. Sebastian had already made it clear he had no intentions of letting her go. Clary shuddered again and choked back a sob.

_What have I done?_

No, she told herself. Feeling sorry for herself would have to wait. She was going to escape, no matter what. She got dressed and splashed cold water on her face.

Clary couldn't even think of what she might do if she failed to escape. Deep breath. One thing at a time...

Reigning in her thoughts, Clary walked downstairs and was greeted with the sizzling sound of a frying pan. She glanced in the kitchen. Jace was home and he and Sebastian were talking jovially. Jace was cooking again, because neither Clary nor Sebastian cooked. Clary pulled a stool from the counter and sat. She wasn't hungry but grabbed a piece of toast and a glass of orange juice anyways. Jace looked back over his shoulder and grinned at her.

"Sebastian wanted breakfast for dinner."

Clary nodded. "How did the warlock meeting go?"

Jace shrugged without turning.

"As planned. How do you guys want your eggs?"

Eggs. Jace just _had_ to make eggs. Sebastian had been right, let him think you like them and he'll cook them for you everyday for the rest of your life.

"You want yours the same as last time, Clary?" Jace cut her thoughts short.

"Uh sure…that's fine…" She grabbed her orange juice.

"How do you like your eggs?" He was speaking to Sebastian who pointedly looked at Clary when he replied.

"Fertilized."

Clary chocked on her juice.

"Over easy okay instead?"

"Oh sure, throw the sink at me. I'm starving."

_I'd like to throw a sink at you_, Clary thought vehemently.

Clary didn't notice that she had begun ripping her toast violently into small pieces. Sebastian did.

"What did that toast ever do to you?"

Clary looked down at her fingers, mentally chastising herself for not having better composure. She couldn't let him win. He couldn't see that he could get under her skin so easily. Clary focused instead on the cooking figure of Jace. His back muscles moving under his shirt as he hummed into the stove. At the thought of her impending breakfast/dinner Clary took a huge gulp of juice to wash down the bitter taste in her mouth. Jace spun and happily poured a plateful of eggs in front of her. She tried her best convincing smile and was thankful that he almost immediately turned back to start Sebastian's. Clary was staring into the wiggly little chunks of yellow on her plate when she felt eyes on her.

"How are your eggs?"

Jace was watching her, expectantly.

"Oh, they're…great…I just-I forgot to wash my hands. I'll be right back."

Clary spun off the stool and up the stairs before she could hear a response.

She found herself in Jace's room. Everything orderly. Nothing out of place. Predictably Jace.

Clary found herself inhaling deeply. At first it was to calm herself. The more she breathed in, the more her lungs filled with the scent of Jace. As if the very smell of Jace was an elixir, she felt herself calming. In this room, with his smell, Clary could almost pretend that he was _her_ Jace.

Almost.


	9. Chapter 9

Clary found herself looking at the picture of the two of them that was affixed to the wall by the Herrondale knife. They both looked so happy, so at ease. Clary's heart began to ache. Everything was ruined now. It was a perverse bastardization of how things should have been. Clary's vision started to blur as tears stung her eyes.

She felt strong arms wrap around her waist, pulling her gently into an embrace. She closed her eyes and felt herself relax against the feeling of Jace's strong body encompassing hers. All she had to do was put it out of her mind for now. There would be time later to deal with the things she had done but for now, she needed to stay focused. She took a deep relaxing breath and leaned her head back on Jace's chest.

"Your eggs are cold."

Clary spun around so fast she was dizzy. Not Jace. Sebastian.

A slow grin touched the corners of his lips.

"You know…One might start to question your 'unconditional love' for Jace if you're always confusing me with him…"

Clary's face caught fire and she promptly turned bright red.

"Don't flatter yourself. You take advantage of the vertigo this sick pseudo-reality of yours gives me."

So much for keeping her calm, Clary thought. She took a deep breath and stood tall, regaining her composure. In fact, every time Clary mistook Sebastian for Jace it shook her more than she cared to dwell on. She didn't like where her thoughts may end up if she chose to go down that road. So she didn't. Sebastian, however, readily jumped at the opportunity to rub it in her face, anything to catch her off guard, to take her off her game. She tried so hard not to let it get to her. In the end though, Sebastian always knew just where to prod the knife of doubt that cut into her sanity.

His eyes gave her a once-over, as if he were seizing her up. With a simple shrug and turn of the heel, he was gone leaving Clary alone in Jace's room with a confused expression on her face. Of the encounters they'd had, that had been mild at best. Why was it then, that it seemed the most strange out of all of them? Was it because Sebastian usually had the last word? That he had passed up an obvious opportunity to mock her? What was it that left her feeling so shaken?

Clary tried to put it from her mind and returned to the kitchen. Jace was sitting at the counter, a few bites remaining on his plate. Clary tried to once again put on the mask that was "okay Clary" and not "genuinely freaked out Clary" which she assumed was her normal expression at this point. Jace looked up when she approached, an almost-sad look in his eyes even though he smiled.

"You could have told me you don't like eggs…"

Oh damn.

"It's not like that…it's just…" Clary searched for words she could say that wouldn't make Jace feel worse or make her look like a jerk. She was coming up empty.

Jace looked back into his own plate stabbing a piece of egg but not eating it.

Could this day get any worse? Clary thought. This was a disaster.

"I'm sorry." Was all she managed.

Jace let himself up from the counter taking his unfinished plate and throwing the whole thing in the garbage, silverware and all. Without a word, he turned and stalked out of the kitchen.

Seriously? All this over a plate of eggs? Did she make it that obvious? Clary thought she'd been pretty inconspicuous about it. It's not like she just out and told-

Sebastian.

Clary felt rage bubbling in her chest. Sebastian told him. Of course. Why wouldn't he? He'd jump at the chance to make their relationship even more estranged than it already was. Clary bolted upstairs and threw open the door to Sebastian's room. He was leisurely reclining on his bed, reading. He glanced up at her over the page of his book.

"Why are you in my room, Clary?"

"You! You told Jace I don't like eggs." She pointed an accusatory finger at him, wishing she could produce lightning bolts like Storm from X-Men.

Sebastian heaved a uninterested sigh.

"What are you talking about? Did you have another lover's spat?" He asked not taking his eyes from his book.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" Clary stormed over to Sebastian and slapped the book out of his hands. It hit the floor with an loud _thud_.

Sebastian looked up at Clary through his eyelashes, making his face appear animal-like. Clary continued, paying no notice.

"You just have to ruin any small piece of normalcy or happiness that I have. You can't just let things be, even for an hour!" Clary reached her hand back and let it fly towards Sebastian's face. He caught her hand and held her wrist tight, causing Clary to loose circulation in her fingers.

"Careful little sister…" Sebastian said each word slowly and quietly, making them sound more dangerous then if he'd been shouting.

He stood, Clary's wrist still held firmly and looked down at her, his face emotionless.

Clary should have been scared but she was angry. Furious. Seething to the point where she didn't care what he did anymore. So fed up she almost just wished he killed her so she could escape this hellish place.

"I hate you." Clary growled at him. Tears and anger and frustration and her own powerlessness stung at the corners of her eyes.

To her surprise, Sebastian released her wrist.

"Go on then. Hit me, if that will make you feel better."


	10. Chapter 10

Clary looked up at him. He towered over her being a full head taller. Doubtless she wouldn't be able to do much damage slapping him from this angle. Still her hand flew and resonated with a loud _slap_ that stung her palm. Sebastian blinked as if she hadn't hit him at all. Clary balled her hands into fists, shaking, desperate to keep from crying. She punched his chest and his torso, over and over, each punch carrying less momentum than the one before.

_I won't cry. I won't cry. I won't cry._

Sebastian grabbed her and pulled her into his arms. He held her tightly but not uncomfortably.

"I didn't say anything to Jace, Clary."

With that her walls broke and the tears she had been fighting came unbidden, rolling freely down her cheeks. She grabbed Sebastian's shirt and squeezed until her knuckles went white. She felt she was falling off the earth. That if she didn't hold on to something, she really would fall away. How pathetic, Clary thought. She felt faint. The nights of not eating caught up with her and the fatigue from the energy loss turned her legs into water. She collapsed. More accurately, she would have collapsed but Sebastian caught her. He helped her over to a sitting position on his bed and sat down beside her.

She felt drained. Drained and foolish. She was the one continually messing things up. Her. Not Sebastian. She had no one to blame but herself and the weight of it made her head hurt. Sebastian sat next to her quietly watching her. She covered her face with her hands, not wanting him to see her in such a pathetic state.

"Why…?" She hiccuped.

"Why what?" His voice was gentle. Like any moment he expected her to fling herself out a window to her doom.

"Why are you like this? You make my head spin. I hate you."

Sebastian let out air from his nose in a silent chuckle.

"You're so terrible and cruel and then you're so nice to me. Your split personality is giving me whiplash." Clary felt her bottom lip tremble as a new rush of tears joined their fallen brethren.

Sebastian didn't say anything for so long that Clary almost wondered if he'd left. She looked up from her hands. He was sitting on the edge of the bed pondering at the floor.

Clary was not expecting the words that came when he finally spoke. "It was not my choice to be a monster."

He looked at her with a sadness that had watched the world and seen how different and unfair it had been from his own. In that moment, Clary pitied him. She wiped the last remaining tears from her cheeks and looked around, suddenly feeling very stupid. She noticed the book on the floor she had knocked out of Sebastian's hands earlier. Clary got up and walked to the book, rescuing it from it's alienated place on the floor.

"Nietzsche?" She read the cover.

She looked at Sebastian curisouly.

"He was a German Philosopher. His works were a lot about human suffering and he was very brilliant."

"Human suffering?" Clary looked down at the book again and then back at Sebastian.

"You read books on human suffering for _leisure_?"

Sebastian stared off to the wall for a moment before pulling a quote from memory.

"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."

Clary stared at the book in her hands.

"Nietzsche wrote that? I can see why you read it. It sounds very…Valentine…"

Sebastian shrugged. "Nietzsche also said: Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster himself. If you gaze into the abyss long enough, the abyss will gaze back into you."

Clary sat back on the bed not really knowing what to say after that. Was Sebastian really so tortured and complicated or was it another ruse? His father taught him how to pull at people's heartstrings to get what he wanted, she knew that for certain. It was all so confusing. Every time Clary thought she'd figured him out, he'd throw a curveball. She handed him back the book. Sebastian took the book gingerly and shelved it. He stood, offering Clary a hand as he did. She looked at his hand a moment before standing up without taking it. Clary felt shaky but resolved to stand with a strength she didn't feel.

"You really should eat before you fall over."

Clary looked at him sideways. "I'm fine."

Sebastian shrugged. "Well I was going to offer to take you out for a bite but if you prefer…" He let the sentence trail off knowing full well she couldn't cook and that Jace was mad at her.

"What about Jace?"

"Jace is training. I'm sure he'll be in there for hours." It was still creepy that Sebastian and Jace were connected to the point where Sebastian always knew where he was. Clary didn't think it was something she would ever get used to.

"Are we still in Paris?" She chewed her lip, thinking over her choices.

"No, we're in London now."

"London?!" Clary had always wanted to go to London.

"Can we have tea and crumpets?" She couldn't resist.

Sebastian chuckled. "If that's what you want."

Clary stopped. What was she doing? Wasn't this the person that was the reason for her misery? The bane or her existence? He had raped her. Her own brother. And now she was frolicking off with him for tea and cake? Was she such an easy person to buy? Were her loyalties so flimsy? Her emotions?

"It's a bite to eat not a honeymoon. Don't look so torn."

But as he said it, Clary realized she was. She was torn and she hated herself for it. Things should be black and white. Good and evil. Right and Wrong. Easy. But it wasn't. There were gray-areas and blurred lines all around her. She stared at Sebastian in horror as she came to this realization that she had been too afraid to admit to herself: she wasn't sure anymore, of anything. Her whole world had been turned upside down and her reality inside-out. Clary realized why she wanted so get away so badly. Because the longer she stayed here, the less she was sure of anything, the more the lines blurred and it scared her.


	11. Chapter 11

Clary's hands went to her head, pressing like it was going to split open.

"I-I need some time alone."

Without looking up she rushed from the room and into her own. She needed some space, some alone time. She needed to get her thoughts in order. She flung herself on her bed and fished her sketchbook out from her pack. Clary turned to a fresh page and stared into the blankness. Somehow it was comforting. Just the weight of it in her hands. So familiar. She took a deep breath and before she could start sketching, she had fallen asleep.

When Clary awoke the next morning, she was cradling her sketchbook like a stuffed animal. The binding coils had left imprints in her hands where she'd been gripping it. She hadn't even realized she dozed off. Then again, it had been late, she had been sufficiently stressed, under nourished and to top it off, not sleeping well.

Clary's stomach growled so loudly she was sure someone else was going to hear it. She decided to brave the kitchen, not knowing what to expect. Nothing had been quite normal or at least what passed for normal around here. Clary padded down the stairs and into the kitchen. Her face hit a wall of delicious smells which instantly made her mouth water. Jace, of course, was cooking.

"Morning." She ventured, not sure if he was still angry with her.

He spun and grinned. "I'm making pancakes!"

"You love your breakfast food, don't you?"

Jace turned with a plate of hotcakes for her in one hand and balanced a dish of butter and a bottle of syrup in the other. She couldn't help but smile.

"It smells wonderful." She marveled looking at the stack he set down in front of her.

"Jace," She started looking up at him. "I'm sorry about the egg thing."

Jace looked back at her and his smile faded. "It wasn't the eggs that upset me." He turned, flipped a pancake in the skillet and turned back to her.

"It's that…if you can't tell me about your food preferences…" He let the thought trail off before picking it up again. "Clary, I want you to be able to tell me anything. I want to be there for you and support you in all of your good and bad times. How can I be if you can't even tell me something as simple as 'I don't like eggs'?"

Clary looked down at the melting butter on her top cake. He had a point. She hadn't thought of it that way. Of course, that's why he was so upset. It wasn't about the eggs. It was about the trust and communication. She had been quick to point the finger at Sebastian when in reality, she didn't seem to need any help in making their relationship estranged. Not to mention that this was a different Jace from her own but times like these, it was so hard to tell the difference.

"You're right," She said, looking into his golden eyes. "I didn't know how to tell you something so silly. I should have just said something."

Jace grinned and spun, turning off the stove and returning with the rest of the bounty to the counter. There were two plates stacked with what must have been at least ten pancakes per plate. Clary stared wide-eyed.

"You're really gonna eat all that?"

"What? It takes a lot of energy being this sexy." He gestured to himself animatedly then sat next to her and stroked her cheek. "I'm sorry I got so angry. It just really hurt, ya' know…the thought that you can't trust me."

Clary was stabbing into her stack, not wanting to wait to eat but looked up at him and nodded. He turned toward his own stack, seemingly satisfied, and began inhaling them three bites at a time.

"How are you even eating that fast?" She wasn't sure if she should be impressed or appalled.

Jace looked up, cheeks swollen like a hamster. "What?"

Clary just laughed and shook her head.

It was moments like these…moments that felt normal. That made her feel like everything was okay somehow, even thought she knew it most likely wasn't. It was moments like these that Clary could trick herself into thinking that she could be happy, maybe. She munched on her pancakes, thinking somehow that she couldn't remember the last time she had something so wonderful. Involuntarily, the thoughts took her back to the cafe in Paris. The croissant, the hot chocolate…Clary shook the thoughts from her head. She was in the kitchen with Jace, having a wonderful breakfast and laughing. She wasn't going to let memories of another ruin her morning.

"By the Angel…" Was the precursor to Sebastian's entrance. "Jace, you keep eating like that and you won't be able to _move_ let alone fight anything."

Jace chuckled as best he could with his mouth full. Clary found herself smiling at the camaraderie despite herself. Sebastian sat down to the plate Jace had prepared for him.

"You know the only thing this is missing? A mimosa." He got up and strode to the fridge. "Anyone want one?"

Jace grinned and shrugged, his mouth still full. Clary shook her head at him before his response sent specks of pancake bites flying everywhere.

"Uh…we'll both take one. "She answered for him.

Jace nodded and went back to shoveling and chewing. Sebastian set three glasses with a mixture of orange juice and sparkling champagne in front of them. Clary took a sip and enjoyed the feel of it with her filling breakfast.

"You're quite the alcoholic." She teased.

Sebastian winked at her. "Only when I'm in a good mood."

Jace sat back and concluded loudly, "Man I am _stuffed_!"

"You should be, you only ate enough for a starving village." Sebastian countered.

"Hey, when the chef is talented and sexy…one can't help but eat." He winked at his breakfast companions.

"I'm gonna go walk off some of this food. Clary, want to join me?"

By all reasons Clary _should_ have wanted to join. For some reason, whether it was that it was painful to pretend with him or exhausting, or whether she wanted to finish her breakfast, she didn't know…but at that moment, Clary didn't want to join and she didn't know why.

"Jace, I'm still eating."

"It'll be here when we get back."

"I'd like to at least finish _one_ before we go. Do you mind waiting, I'm only half-way through…"

"Can't wait. If I wait this full, I'll pass out and be useless for the rest of the day." He strode over to her and folded her into his arms. He kissed her forehead, her eyes, her nose, and finally, her mouth.

"It's a shame you don't eat as fast as I do…"

"If I did, I'd never be able to fit into my jeans." He kissed her on the forehead again, grinning then disappeared out the door/wall/whatever the hell it was.

This, Clary thought, was definitely NOT her Jace. These were the times she missed her Jace the most. This Jace was so carefree where her Jace…her Jace was so caring that he almost came across being tortured. Clary heaved a sigh and went back to her breakfast, slowly loosing her appetite. Why did he have to do things like that? Why couldn't he just wait for her? Whatever, it did her no good to dwell on the Jace she didn't have.


	12. Chapter 12

She pushed her plate away. Sebastian was eating with a poise and grace that made her want to push his plate off the counter. She grabbed for her mimosa and took a sip, giving herself a mental pep-talk.

"So…" She wasn't sure how to start. Sebastian turned to look at her.

"So?"

"I was thinking, that if I'm gonna be here helping you guys out then maybe I could possibly…have a steele?" Smooth.

"Whatever would you need a steele for...? Escaping?"

Clary felt her pulse quicken but tried to remain stoic on the outside. "N-no, nothing like that. I mean, I am good at drawing runes and you said you prefer if I was the one to Mark you…"

"Yes and when the time comes to need a Mark, you will have a steele but not one to have to do who-knows-what with." With that he stood.

"I could use it to help with the cleaning or something." Clary sounded lame even to her own ears.

Sebastian stood over her. "This isn't _Fantasia_, Clary. Using runes for something as ridiculous as that is just plain stupid." He bent closer to her face. Black eyes staring into hers sent a shiver running down her spine. "If you think that I believe that you want a steele for that, than you must think that _I'm_ stupid. I, my dear sister, am not stupid." Sebastian drained his mimosa and strode past Clary upstairs without another word.

She blew it. Clary wanted to kick herself. That couldn't have gone much worse without a fight ensuing. Now Sebastian knows that she wants a steele bad enough to out and ask him for one. She should have asked Jace. Why didn't she? Probably, she thought, because he won't do anything Sebastian doesn't want him to so there's no point. Defeated, Clary went back to her room and sat on her bed. What could she do now?

Something shiny by her foot caught her eye. It was the smallest shiver of light. It moved until it was in front of Clary's face. She reached out to touch it and it caught fire. A tiny little flame at first that started slowly growing. The flame quivered and shifted until parts of it dissipated into strange shapes. Clary assumed it was some sort of language and stared wide-eyed. The shapes shifted and changed until it was something she could read. A fire message! By the Angel, how did it get here? Clary's eyes burned with unshed tears when she read the message.

**Clary,**

**We're coming for you. We'll find you. Don't loose hope.**

Simon and the others!

Had they figured out about Sebastian's house? Were they on their way? Did they know where she was? Clary wondered if she could leave them clues where she had already been. That would be really easy…if she had a steele…and also if she could leave without a chaperone. So in short, damn near impossible. _Unless_…Sebastian probably kept a steele in his room somewhere. Or the armory maybe? How was it she still hadn't found that room? Did Sebastian carve a cloaking rune on the door or something? With Clary's resolve and hope renewed she decided to look for the armory. She figured that would be an easier place to start then Sebastian's room, especially since he was in it.

Clary ventured upstairs wishing she was able to give herself a rune of silence. She could only hope that Sebastian thought her so powerless that he didn't mind her sneaking around. She passed his room and Jace's, moving toward the training room. Possibly the armory was near there?

Clary decided to check the training room in case the way to the armory was some sort of hidden passage that could only be accessed from this room. She walked in and stopped.

Sebastian was training. He was swiftly kicking a large heavy black bag. He was shirtless and had a thin sheen of sweat all over his body that made it glisten. Clary's eyes went to the scars on his back and she felt her chest constrict. Sebastian stopped and turned.

"Something you're looking for, little sister?" Sebastian eyed her.

He wasn't out of breath but the rise of his chest and clench of his stomach was where Clary's eyes ventured. She hadn't seen him shirtless very often at a distance she could actually study him from. She had been naked with him but his body had been on top of hers and she had mostly had her eyes closed. The memory sent a flush over Clary's face. Suddenly Sebastian was directly in front of her. Naked sweaty torso and all.

"Like what you see?"

Clary looked away.

"I-I….uh…"

Sebastian sighed, cleared unamused. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought maybe some training would help?"

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"I'm telling you?"

Sebastian suddenly grinned. "You're telling me that you came to me for a workout?"

"No!" Clary said a little too quickly. "I came to the training room. I thought you were reading _Rules of Warfare_ or something in your room."

Sebastian's eyes trailed over her body. "You're going to train in that?"

Clary looked down at herself. Jeans and a sweater were not training clothes. Crap.

"I wanted to come in here and see what kind of area there was to train in before I got changed. How was I supposed to know you'd be in here?"

Clary was thankful she came up with something so quickly. Sebastian seemed to buy it.

"Fair enough." He shrugged.

He jerked his head toward the door. "Go get changed. I'll train with you."

Clary mentally kicked herself. Now she had to put her search on hold and train otherwise she'd look even more suspicious. Coincidentally, she _was_ itching to punch something. She nodded and went down to her room, fishing out some shorts and a sports bra, then a tank top to wear over it. Something easy to move in, just in case she "got carried away" and kicked Sebastian in the head. Repeatedly. _This could work out better than I was expecting_, Clary grinned to herself.


	13. Chapter 13

Clary jogged back to the training room feeling excited despite herself. She hadn't been able to train since well before she left Magnus's and she was itching to practice. She got to the room and Sebastian had gone from kick boxing to Qi Gong. His eyes were closed. His face was a mask of concentration and serenity. His hands wove a fluid trail through the air that Clary found mesmerizing. He moved with the grace of a dancer. She watched the muscles in his back ripple with every arm movement. Sebastian finished in a strong stance where his legs were wide and bent, crouched low to the ground and his arms locked in front of his body, pushing down an invisible weight. He slowly opened his eyes and they immediately found Clary's. He grinned and sauntered over to where she stood. Remotely in her mind, she realized that, once again, Sebastian had seen her watching him.

"You want to warm up on the bag or spar?"

Clary looked up at him, evenly. "Spar."

Sebastian looked somewhere between amused and impressed. "Okay, sparring it is then."

He led her to the center of the training room and positioned himself into a low fighting stance. Clary bent low like Jace taught her and focused on her opponent. She looked for any strain of muscle. A shoulder, a foot, a knee…anything could give you a clue as to where your opponent might attack from. Sebastian however was as still as a statue. Nothing indicated that he was alive except the slow movement of his chest. Clary wondered how much she was giving away in her eyes alone. Everything slowed. Time stood still. One minute, two minutes, three minutes…

Sebastian bolted toward her like a spring being released. Clary barely had time to react. He swung his fist towards her head. She ducked low and jabbed at his side. He evaded, dropping towards the floor. He kicked at her legs. Clary jumped, narrowly avoiding the collision. She landed and immediately kicked towards his head. Her foot almost caught him in the neck. He grabbed it and pushed upwards, sending her spiraling towards the floor. Clary caught herself on her hands and kicked out behind her. Sebastian easily caught her foot in his hands so Clary kicked her other foot out towards his face. He stepped back out of the range of the kick, dropping her other foot. Clary jumped up and advanced on him, showering him with punches. Sebastian easily kept pace, dodging and countering her attacks as if she were attacking him in slow motion. The sparring kept them backing up until they were close to a wall. Clary threw a hard jab a Sebastian's face which he caught, spun and used the centripetal force to throw her into the wall. Clary used the momentum to run up the wall and kick off, flying backwards over Sebastian's head. She landed and somehow, in that split second she was in the air, he had managed to get behind her. The moment her feet touched the ground he pushed her up against the wall, pressing his body into her back, pinning her in place.

Clary was already breathing heavy and the force on her lungs wasn't helping. Sebastian, Clary noticed triumphantly, was breathing a little heavy as well. Clary felt his hot breath on the back of her neck and it sent cold shivers down her spine.

"Not bad, little sis." Sebastian was trailing his fingers down her arm.

"You're crushing my lungs." Clary protested.

"Not if you can still speak without gasping." Sebastian ground his pelvis into her, cutting off her airflow and, as he promised, Clary gasped.

Sebastian nipped at Clary's neck. Unbidden warmth came from between her legs.

_No, no, no, no, no, no, no._

"Aren't we supposed to be sparring?" Clary tried to get the situation back on track. "Was I too much for you?"

The pressure on her back let up and she turned to find an amused Sebastian studying her.

"Too much for me?" He quoted back. "Too… much…for me." He tried the words in his mouth like a flavor he'd never before tasted.

His features shifted and he stepped forward, again closing Clary's body between his and the wall. "I think," He began. "That _I'm_ too much for you." With that he slid one of his legs between hers. Clary's breath caught and she tried to fight the rising fire in her body. Sebastian bent his head toward hers and trailed soft kisses up Clary's neck. Little spots of heat bloomed from the touch of his lips on her skin. Clary fought the urge to crane her neck back and give him easier access.

"Sebastian…no…" Clary pushed against his torso. His abs were rigid beneath his tight shirt. Sebastian ceased his kisses on her neck and gazed into her eyes, his face barely inches from hers. She felt the air from his breath tickle her eyelashes. His eyes were intense and Clary felt she was swirling down a dark whirlpool inside them. Sebastian moved. The faint brush of lips across hers alerted Clary to this. The feeling was that of a rose petal being gently twirled down her skin. A small breath of air escaped Clary's mouth. She prayed it was an inaudible one.

"You guys in here?" Came a voice from the hallway. Jace.

Sebastian stepped away from Clary, releasing her from the wall. Jace strode in, glancing between them.

"You guys training?"

"Yeah," Clary answered for them. "I felt I was getting out of shape. 'You don't use it, you loose it' and all that."

"Is that right?" Sebastian eyed her intensely and Clary felt herself flush.

Jace smiled, shrugged and wrapped Clary in his arms. Clary glanced over his shoulder. Sebastian's eyed were fixed on them, burning with jealously. Clary felt awkward and stepped away from Jace.

"I'm gonna grab a glass of water. Come with me?"

Jace, of course, nodded and led her out with his hand on the small of her back. Clary couldn't get away from the intense glare of Sebastian fast enough. Everything about that entire interaction set her on edge.


	14. Chapter 14

Clary sipped her water staring at the counter. That was close, she thought. If Jace hadn't come back…Was this what it was going to be like from now on until she escaped? Every time she was alone with Sebastian she had to worry that he would try something with her. Well, why not? She thought, bitterly, he's already been successful.

"Earth to Clary!"

"Huh?"

"Are you even listening to me?"

Clary looked down. Had Jace been talking to her the whole time?

"Why are you glaring at your water? If it's telling you to kill people, you should pour it out." He laughed at his own joke.

Clary managed a weary smile. "I was just…never mind. You have a good walk?"

Jace, always eager to talk about himself and his accomplishments went into a full recall of 'the awesomeness of his time out'. Clary couldn't help but space out again. This Jace was like a shallow image of the Jace that Clary loved. Was it because something passed between Sebastian and him? Did Sebastian give Jace his shallow, haughty nature while taking on Jace's gentle intellect? Which was more disturbing to her? The thought that she didn't like being around Jace as much because it reminded her of the love that was out of reach to her, or the fact that she was starting to enjoy Sebastian's company? She didn't want to admit it but she knew it was true. When did that happen? This place and everything in it made her head hurt. She hated the topsy-turvy-ness of it all. Clary wanted things to be back to normal. Even if Jace was avoiding her and not speaking to her, it was still better than this stranger who wore her lover's face. Warm hands on her hips brought Clary out of her thoughts. Jace turned her towards him and slid his hands up to her face.

"I'm digging the outfit." He glanced appreciatively down at her.

Clary flushed despite herself. Jace brought his face to hers and Clary decided to forget all about Sebastian. This was, after all, how it was supposed to be. Jace's hands were dipping low on her back until they reached her butt. Clary let out a soft sigh against his lips. Jace gripped her and lifted her on the counter, legs on either side of his torso. Clary wanted to get lost in the smell of him. The only thing that was still _her_ Jace. Her body fell in line easily, remembering all the steps. She didn't want to remind herself that this was a different Jace. She just wanted the feel of his strong arms around her. Clary wrapped her arms around him, deepening the kiss. Jace pulled back, breathless.

"Clary," His eyes dark and needy. "My room." Clary nodded, feeling lightheaded.

Jace grabbed her again and, with her legs still wrapped around him, he carried her to his room. He strode to the bed and laid her down. Clary watched him strip his shirt off and throw is across the room. She couldn't help but gape. He was so gorgeous. She wanted to touch him. Clary put her hands out and slid her fingers down his chest, his stomach…she hooked her finger on the waistband of his jeans. Jace's eye were molten lava as he watched. He leaned on his arms, careful not to crush her and kissed her without resolve. Clary grabbed a handful of his hair and Jace let out a soft groan. He broke the kiss and grabbed for Clary's tank top. She lifted her arms and let him slide it over her body. She discarded her sports bra and pulled him back down into her embrace. Jace began slowly grinding against her shorts. Clary raised her hips and moved in sync with him. Their kissing became more heated until they were almost panting. Jace suddenly jumped backward and practically ripped his jeans off. Back on the bed, he grabbed this time for Clary's shorts. Clary was enjoying the recklessness of it all and then she felt Jace positioning himself between her legs.

"Hey, wait a sec…what's the hurry?" Clary giggled.

Jace grinned down at her. "Oh, you want a little foreplay still?"

Clary reached up and kissed him again.

"I can't wait any longer, Clary. I'm going insane."

Clary pushed back a little to look at him, suddenly feeling uneasy. She shouldn't be feeling uneasy. This is what she's always wanted. But it didn't feel _right_ somehow. Suddenly aware of how naked they both were and how she was mere centimeters away from having sex with Jace, an unwanted thought crossed her mind: _Jace has been with women before. He'll know I'm not a virgin. He'll know something happened. He can't know, he can't._

"Jace, I'm sorry. I can't."

Jace looked down at their naked bodies ready to meet and back up to her.

"Seriously!?"

Clary tried to pull away to cover herself up.

"I-I'm sorry. I just can't."

Jace sat back on his knees and looked at her incredulously.

"You're going to tease me like this and deny me every time we get intimate? You were all for it just a minute ago."

Clary felt her face flush. "I know. I'm sorry…"

"You're sorry? How many cold showers am I going to have to take Clary?"

Clary looked away suddenly feeling very vulnerable. "Jace, I'm not ready." The words came out as a whisper.

"So we're just going to do this every time until you are? I've been waiting for you Clary." He stroked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I want us to be together in every way. I love you…"

Clary's face caught fire again. "I love you too."

Jace smiled and kissed her tenderly, stroking her hair. Clary felt him smile against her lips and smiled back. "That's my girl." He whispered against her lips. Clary closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth of his body, the smell of his skin. Something moved back up between her legs and her eyes shot open.

"Jace…" Clary warned.

"It's okay. You're scared because you've never done it before. It'll be fine. Don't worry, love. Let me make you feel good." Jace positioned himself to enter her. Clary panicked. He was definitely going to find out she's had sex!

"No, Jace! Stop!" Clary pushed against his chest as hard as she could.

"Clary, relax. It'll be fine."

"Jace, please, no. I don't want this. Not like this. Please!"

"Stop struggling then." This was definitely not her Jace. Clary's body ran cold as she panicked. No, no, no, no. This wasn't happening.

"JONATHAN CHRISTOPHER MOGENSTERN!"

In an instant Sebastian was in the room and pulling Jace off Clary. He threw him up against the wall and pinned Jace with a forearm on his throat, ready to cut off his airflow.

"Tell me Jace…What the FUCK are you _doing_ to my sister?"

Clary scrambled to cover herself up. She wished the nightmare would stop. One thing after another. When would it end? Sebatian glanced back at her.

"Are you okay?" Clary nodded. Sebastian's eyes were back on Jace, filled with murderous rage.

Jace shook his head like he was coming out of a trance and horror flashed across his features. His head sunk as the self-loathing kicked in. Sebastian, noticing Jace had gotten himself under control, released him. Jace grabbed his jeans and left. Clary was still on the bed, clutching the shirt of Jace's she'd found around her. Sebastian sat on the bed careful not to touch her. His eyes searched her face.

"Did he hurt you? Did he…do anything to you?"

Clary looked away. She hadn't noticed that she was shaking until now. It was his fault that Jace was like this. None of this would have happened if it weren't for him. Clary glared at him.

"What? No one is allowed to _rape_ me except you?!" She spat.

Sebastian looked away. "You called for me." He said quietly.


	15. Chapter 15

"You're right, I did." Clary's eyes were starting to tear but she fought to keep them from spilling over. "You are no longer needed. Thank you for your help." She growled through clenched teeth.

Sebatian's features darkened but he turned abruptly and left the room without commenting. Clary shuddered still trying to keep her emotions in check. She choked back a sob and set her jaw, determined not to cry. She ran quickly to her room and shut the door. What the hell is going on? Maybe she could just tell Jace. She could tell him that Sebastian raped her. The first time. How could she tell him that the second time she was more than willing? What was she going to do? Could he ever forgive her for what she's done?

This Jace wasn't exactly the one Clary wanted. She wanted _her_ Jace. She could cut the symbol on his chest again. He did it before and yes, it was only temporary, but it was worth a shot. She would at least have _her_ Jace even if it was for only a short time. She could tell her Jace that Sebastian raped her. She could leave out the other part, right? If she told the Jace now that Sebastian raped her he'd do what he always did when he heard something he didn't like. It'd pass over his face like it never happened. Jace didn't really need another reason to hate Sebastian but at least this way, she was being honest. Mostly.

That decided it. Clary was going to sever their bond, even if it only lasted a few minutes. Sebastian wouldn't punish her. He'd already made it clear that he valued her more than others. He'd be mad if he found out, sure. Clary would have to make sure he didn't find out. She went into her bag and grabbed the last pair of clothes she'd stashed away for herself. Jeans and a shirt. While she liked the clothes in the dresser, it felt weird wearing something meant for her mother. She stepped out of her room and took a deep breath to steady herself. She walked through the kitchen locating the thing she was looking for before continuing. Clary found her way back up to Jace's room. He wasn't there. She looked around. He wasn't in the kitchen or the living room. Was he in the training room? That'd be ironic. Clary set out there just in case and found he was sitting in the middle of the floor, crossed-legged and head in his hands. Clary approached cautiously. Jace heard the footsteps and his head jerked upright. He turned and seeing her, his features sunk miserably. Clary continued her approach.

"Jace?"

He didn't answer. Clary knelt in front of him. He refused to look at her, his face screwed up as if he were fighting a strange emotion he was not accustomed to. He was still shirtless. Good, Clary thought. She put a hand on his shoulder and wound it around his back, lightly leaning into a hug.

"It's okay, Jace. I forgive you." Her free hand slid up the front of his chest and found the brand over his heart.

"Your fingers are like ice." A flash of metal caught Jace's eye but it was too late. Clary brought the knife from the kitchen shallowly over the brand like she did on the roof, slicing it in the middle. Jace's face was a mask of horror. The horror started to melt down his face, replaced with a blank expression and then, finally, one of intense sadness.

"Jace!" Clary threw her arms around him and hugged him fiercely. Jace didn't say anything for a long moment. Clary sat back and looked in his eyes. "Jace?"

"I saw…" He began and stopped like the words suffocated him and were too painful to come out. "It wasn't me…I saw but I couldn't stop…" His eyes were golden waves of sorrow. "By the Angel….what I almost did to you…" It was barely a whisper.

Clary's heart was breaking. She had no idea that he had been fighting for consciousness while being linked. Last time he didn't remember anything but maybe having the bond severed also made it a little weaker and Jace was able to fight to have glimpses of what went on around him? Clary pulled him into a bittersweet embrace. Electricity surged through her body at the feeling of _her_ Jace.

"It's okay, Jace. I'm okay, nothing happened."

"How can I ever deserve to touch you again, knowing I did something so terrible?" Jace looked away, his face pained.

Cue confession, Clary thought. "Well, you're not the only one who's done something terrible…"Clary began.

Jace looked up alarmed. "Sebastian? What did he do to you?"

"Well…" How was she going to put it? Yesterday's forecast was Sebastian rape with a 100% chance of Clary reciprocating. Today's forecast had a chance of rape as well.

"He did…force himself on me a few days ago."

Jace's eyes were huge saucers. He was mortified and furious.

"I'll kill him. By the Angel, I'll fucking kill him. Again!" Jace started to get to his feet.


	16. Chapter 16

"Jace, wait! There's something else."

She had to do this. Jace couldn't bear such a burden by himself. He'd never get close to her ever again. He'd never forgive himself. Clary had to come clean. All the way. Even if he hated her. At least he wouldn't be overburdened with guilt thinking she was the only innocent party. Jace turned to look back at her. Clary fidgeted, not sure how to go about this one even less than the first confession. Jace sat back in front of her and held her hands in her lap.

"What is it, Clary?" His golden gaze searched her face as if the answers were somehow written there.

"Sebastian-I…" Why was this so hard to spit out?

"He raped you, I know."

"No, that's not all."

"What else did he do to you?" Jace's face darkened once more.

Oh, just out with it already. "I slept with him" She said it as quickly as possible hoping maybe Jace wouldn't catch it.

He did.

He dropped her hands and stared at her. His face was in complete and utter shock. Whatever he'd been expecting her to say, that clearly wasn't it.

"You're joking." He finally managed to get out.

"It was a few nights ago. I got really drunk and Sebastian had some of that faerie juice…" She let the sentence trail off, knowing Jace would put together the pieces. Jace looked like he'd seen a ghost. He stared at the floor. Clary became increasingly more and more uneasy with each passing moment.

"I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean…" She sighed in sad frustration.

"Didn't mean?" Jace looked up at her. "Didn't mean to what? Break my heart? Sleep with your _brother_?"

He was looking at her the way that she was afraid he would and it hurt more than she thought was possible.

"Jace, I didn't know what I was doing."

Jace shook his head. "So he raped you so good that you went back for more?"

Clary felt sick.

"No, Jace. It wasn't like that. Please…believe me…" Clary looked down at her fists, balled tightly in her lap. A small drop splashed on one of them. Then another. Clary couldn't hold back the tears.

"Is that why you called for him?" Jace said it so low that Clary almost didn't hear.

Her stomach dropped to her ankles. Her lungs froze. She had expected he'd be upset. She forgot just _how_ upset Jace got when he got upset. She forgot how much he'd hurt her even when he wasn't mad at her. He avoided her and made her feel insignificant when he'd had the bad dreams. Now that it was her he was actually mad at, it was scary.

"How many times..?" He couldn't finish the question. Jace looked like he was about to be sick.

"What?" Clary stared at him, horrified.

Jace seemed to swallow his resolve and possibly also the contents of his stomach. He looked up at her like he was looking at a stranger. "How many times did you do it with him?"

"It was…just the once…"

It wasn't her fault. Why couldn't he see that? She didn't want or ask for any of this. Was it that Jace was so damaged from the link or that he was so shocked by the news that he couldn't control himself? Maybe he needed some time to think and cool down. Maybe...maybe he'd never forgive her and look at her like that forever. Clary couldn't bear the thought that it could happen.

Jace was staring at the ground again, looking green. Clary jumped up and bolted from the room. She tripped down the hallway and bursted through Sebastian's door. He didn't even look up from his book when she entered.

"Did your reunion go sour?" He poured all the distain he could muster into that single sentence.

"What? How did you-?"

Sebastian looked at her with venom in his eyes. He stood and pulled aside the collar of his shirt, showing Clary the tricklets of blood seeping from the shallow wound. Clary could only stare.

"You knew. Why didn't you…?" She felt breathless, like someone was squeezing her lungs.

"What? Come up there and watch you guys make out? I think I'll pass. Besides, neither of you can leave so what do I care?"

"He'll kill you." Clary retorted.

"Not likely. True he did kill me before but, I might add, with the help of others and even then it was blind luck that he got me before I got him." Sebastian's lips curled into a humorless smile.

"I don't want this." Clary said barely audible.

"Funny how you always come running to me when things don't go your way." He sneered.

Clary sank to her knees feeling so helpless. Something was wrong with Jace. He wasn't the same. Or was it her? Was she the one causing herself so much pain from the start? Would Jace look at her with disgust forever? She couldn't think of anything that was worse and didn't think she could stand being here a moment longer. She remembered that she still had the knife she grabbed from the kitchen in her back pocket. She'd put it there so she wouldn't forget to return it to the wood block. Clary realized she was crying again and Sebastian stood over her emotionless. She was so pathetic. She hated herself.

"You're right." She sniffled, looking up at him through her tears.

Clary pulled out the knife and Sebastian shifted into a defensive stance. _He thinks I'm going to try to stab him_, Clary thought. _Boy will he be surprised_.

Clary pointed the knife inward, towards herself. Sebastian's eye widened in realization and he dove for her. He crashed into her sending her flying backwards. He lodged himself on top of her and grappled the knife from her hands. At that moment Jace burst in the room, took a look at Sebastian on top of Clary with a knife in hand and saw red. He lept for Sebastian, teeth bared like a wild dog. They both went flying backwards. Sebastian landed on his back with Jace on top of him, directing the blade into Sebastian's throat. Sebastian kneed Jace in the back hard, making him loose his grip on the knife. Sebastian seized the moment and kicked Jace off of him, spinning around quickly to his feet. Jace slammed into the bookcase but before he could regain his balance, Sebastian was there, kneeing him in the side. Jace's elbow shot out towards Sebastian's face but he evaded and twisted Jace's arm behind his shoulder bringing him to his knees. Sebastian slammed Jace's shoulder in the ground, holding him in place.

"If you move, I'll dislocate your shoulder." Sebastian said as simply as if he were talking about the weather.

Jace growled. Clary watched on as if in a trance.

"Sebastian…" They both looked up at her. "Give me your steele."

Sebastian's eyes narrowed at her but he reached into his back pocket and drew out his steele, handing it to her. She took it and knelt beside Jace. Everything calm and civil was gone from his eyes. Only murder and pain remained. Clary felt a new batch of tears returning to her cheeks. She looked up at Sebastian.

"Hold him still please."

Sebastian said nothing but tightened his hold on Jace until he couldn't move anything except his eyes. Clary bent and touched the steele to the back of his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Jace…"

Within seconds after the rune was drawn, Jace's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell into a peaceful sleep. Clary watched the rise and fall of his back as he dreamed. Sebastian stood up looking from Jace to Clary.

"What did you do to him?"

Clary wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. "A forgetting rune."

Sebastian stared at her wide-eyed and then looked back to the rune sinking into Jace's shoulder.


	17. Chapter 17

Another time perhaps.

_Maybe you're dealing with too many of your own demons to try and take on mine as well._ Clary watched the sleeping Jace on the floor with a detached feeling she wasn't accustomed to, a sort of odd numbness where before had been sorrow. Jace couldn't be the one to save her. She had to be the one to save herself. Clary walked out of the room without even a second glance at Sebastian or Jace.

She felt shaky as she eventually found herself in the kitchen. She had just been walking, not really aiming towards any place in particular. She was almost surprised when she walked into the counter. Then again, the kitchen was the only neutral zone in the house so it made sense that she ended up there. She looked around as if seeing the room for the first time. She heard hustle and movement behind her and knew that Sebastian was carrying Jace to his room. It was probably a decision that Clary shouldn't have made, she realized that. It was a selfish decision but one that made keeping her sanity more manageable. She and Jace would go down this road again. Not tonight though. Clary looked down, realizing that the steele she had borrowed from Sebastian was still in her hands. She clutched it tightly to her chest as if it were a lifeline. Somehow, even though it wasn't the way she'd wanted, she still had ended up finding a steele. Clary traced mock designs in the counter absently until she found herself retracing the forgetting rune she'd drawn on Jace. It'd be so easy, she thought. Just like that, she could forget this whole nightmare and put all the pain behind her. It was so tempting. Clary shoved the steele in her back pocket and went to the refrigerator for a drink of water instead. Things had taken a turn she wasn't expecting. It seems, she thought bitterly, that every time she tried to make something right she only ended up making it far worse.

Clary leaned against the counter, water glass in hand. Again staring off into space, trying to make sense of anything. Wondering if sense _could_ be made of anything.

"Hey." She looked up. Sebastian was standing in front of her.

She sighed, feeling tired. "What do you want?" She didn't feel like even mustering the energy to snap at him.

Sebastian said nothing but instead leaned against the counter next to but not touching her. Arms loosely crossed over his chest, he faced out as if he and Clary were watching some far away apparition that only they could see. Clary felt too tired to tell him that she wanted to be left alone. She assumed he had come in to say something snarky to her about her failed attempt to bring Jace back to his original self. Sebastian, however, seemed content to just stand silently next to her. She didn't find his presence uncomfortable so she didn't say anything. The silence they shared was one of two people who have experienced feelings they never thought they ever would and had no idea how to cope with them. Clary supposed there was some truth to when Sebastian called them 'more similar than she thought'. Clary glanced over at Sebastian who looked like he was deep in thought with his own emotional turmoil.

"And so the world will end, I think, a victim of love rather than hate; for love has ever been the far more destructive force."

Clary stared at Sebastian who, once again, caught her off guard in his awareness of things Clary never thought possible of him. He didn't look at her. It seemed the comment was directed towards the distance and before Clary could say anything on the matter, he pushed off from the counter and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Clary alone once more with only her thoughts.

Clary started the think of the wine, how it dulled everything around her. It made everything feel nice and nothing felt dire or troublesome and she longed for some. She didn't trust anything already in the house though. Last time she drank wine her and Sebastian…A flush crept up her cheeks and she shook the thoughts from her head. Clary wanted some fresh air. She wanted to walk around and not look at these walls that reminded her of all that happened here. She didn't know the way out and even if she was to portal out there was no guarantee that she wouldn't end up somewhere she'd regret. This was, after all, a trans-dimensional house. There was no telling where it'd spit her out if she tried randomly portal-ing outside. She could end up trapped between dimensions forever for all she knew. She sighed, exasperated. Clary tore herself from the counter and began her way upstairs. Sebastian was on his bed reading as usual. This time when she walked in he looked up. His face held a tired expression himself, like someone emotionally wracked. Clary thought he didn't deserve to wear such an emotion and started to scowl. Sebastian's face drooped into one of pure exhaustion. He sighed heavily.

"Did you come in here just to scowl at me?"

Clary cleared her thoughts, realizing she couldn't hide her emotions from her face. She looked at him squarely.

"I want to go out."

Sebastian closed his book and set it in his lap. "Oh?"

Clary stood straighter. "Take me out."

Sebastian swung his legs off the bed and looked up at Clary. He stared at her for a long moment and then shrugged.

"Where are you wanting to go?"

"I was thinking dinner in France and going out for drinks in Russia afterwards."

Sebastian's eyebrows rose. "This isn't a teleport on _StarTrek_, Clary. It doesn't exactly work that way." He seemed to consider something for a moment. "Hold on a sec."

Sebastian left the room and vanished out of the wall that Clary was unable to access. She sat down on his bed, unsure of what to do and waited. It only seemed a few minutes until Sebastian had returned. He had in his hands a long fashionable, fur-lined trench coat. He handed it to Clary. "Put this on, I know where to take you."

Clary looked at the coat skeptically but took the it from him. He walked out of the room with Clary on his heels. They went to the wall which seemed to only react to Sebastian or Jace-linked-with-Sebastian and vanished through the other side. They stepped out in a street laden with restaurants and couture shops. Clary felt the chill of early winter and shrugged her new coat on, hugging it closed. It fit her perfectly and was so soft. It never failed to unnerve her that her brother knew her exact size with clothing. She looked around as they made their way down the strip to a location unknown to her.

"Where…where are we?"

"Berlin."

"Berlin?" Clary looked around wide-eyed.

"Believe it or not, Germany has some really amazing cuisine and their drinking taste isn't far off from the Russians."

Clary shrugged even though Sebastian was in front of her and couldn't see. They approached a cute restaurant with outside seating. Sebastian went inside to one of the employees and got a table for himself and Clary. They sat outside under the lamplights, Sebastian ordering for the both of them in his flawless German.

"What were you thinking you wanted to drink? Wine?"

Clary made a face. "No more wine for me thanks." Most likely, ever again...

"Okay, let's order you a vodka drink."

"Vodka?"

"It's smoother than wine and since it's from this restaurant you'll know for sure that it's not tampered with." Sebastian looked at her pointedly and Clary tried to fein ignorance and shrugged indifferently.

Surely being around these two shruggers was wearing off on her. "Why not."

Sebastian ordered her a mixed drink, mostly fruit juice with vodka. Clary took a sip and was surprised with how delightful she found it. It wasn't nearly as bitter as the wine and had a much more clean flavor. It didn't burn going down like the wine and, unlike the wine, Clary almost didn't even feel it heating her cheeks. Her thoughts strayed to Jace and she wondered how long he'd be unconscious for. She hoped he wouldn't wake up with everyone gone. Sebastian was drinking vodka straight in a wide, short glass. He looked up at Clary as she set her own glass on the table.

"I…need to use the restroom." She lied, and excused herself. She went towards the back of the restaurant and as soon as she was out of Sebastian's view, she wandered off and found a pay phone. She picked up the receiver and realized she didn't have any money on her. She did, however, have the steele in her back pocket still. She carved a communication rune on the phone and lifted the receiver, hoping it would work.

"Hello?"

Clary felt her chest tighten at the voice on the other line.

"Simon!"

"Clary?! Oh my gosh! Are you alright? Where are you? What's happened? Are you hurt? What's going on? How-"

"Slow down, Simon. How am I even supposed to keep track of what you've already asked me?"

Simon laughed on the other line, a sound Clary hadn't heard in what seemed like forever and she felt herself immediately burst into a huge goofy grin. Somehow, this was something that made her feel like everything was okay. She hadn't realized how much she relied on him for everything, especially for emotional support.

"We're all so worried, Clary. How are you?"

"Oooh, let's start with a less complicated question." Clary could hear the grin in Simon's voice.

"Okay then, where are you?"

"Berlin."

"As in Berlin, Germany? What are you doing there?"

"Having dinner?"

"I suppose even the devil himself must eat every now and then."

"It's so good to hear your voice. I've really missed you…" Clary felt the ache of homesickness return.

"Don't worry, Clary. I'm coming for you. We're all coming for you."

Her eyes felt misty but she was determined not to cry. "It won't be easy. The house we're staying in shifts continuously between dimensions. It's almost impossible to track. Speaking of which, how on earth were you able to get a fire message to me?" Clary suddenly remembered the flaming note in her room.

Simon chuckled on the other line. "Never cross a love-scorned warlock."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind. I'll explain later. I'm really glad you're okay, Clary."

Well that's a word for it, Clary thought. Not the word _I _would have used but a word nonetheless. Still, talking with Simon brought her a peace of mind she hadn't thought she'd be able to experience again. Clary was reminded of the way things used to be. She wished things could have worked with her and Simon. None of this would have happened; they'd be comfortably living and completely oblivious to all things Shadowhunter. Clary's heart ached.

"It was really nice to talk to you, Simon. I'll call again when I can."

Simon didn't say anything for a moment. "We are coming for you, Clary. Magnus is working on something big with the book you gave him."

Clary smiled. "I believe you. I have to go. Bye, Simon."

"Talk to you later, Clary." And he was gone.


	18. Chapter 18

Clary hung the phone on the receiver, still processing the conversation.

She took a deep breath and exhaled. She turned and walked back toward the table where Sebastian sat waiting. He was running his finger along the rim of his glass. He stared into the glass as if it had just said something offensive to him. He looked up as she approached and his expression changed.

"I was starting to think you fell in."

"Oh…there was…a line…" Clary looked around meekly, hoping he wouldn't notice.

Sebastian narrowed his gaze but said nothing. Clary sat, eager to change the topic from her untimely absence. She was feeling suddenly awkward in her desperation to draw attention away from herself. Sebastian was staring intently at her, looking from her to her glass. Clary looked down, realizing that she hadn't touched her beverage and reached for it. Sebastian sat back in his chair, watching as she took a sip. After a moment Sebastian stretched then finished the remainder of his own glass in a single swig. He looked over to Clary.

"I don't know about you but I'm ready to leave."

Clary looked down at her glass and back up at Sebastian who was studying her.

"You can finish your beverage if you'd like. I don't mind waiting."

Clary was considering whether she should finish it or not. She was enjoying the atmosphere and it would be the last chance for her to drink anything that she could be sure was safe and who knows when the next time was that she'd be taken out like this. Talking to Simon made her feel sure and confident again. She had been so mortified by everything that had happened that the only thing she could think of was escaping. That, however, wouldn't help them find Sebastian and no matter how he was altered, she couldn't leave Jace. There was a chance that she would never see him again if she did. For the first time in awhile since she'd been with them, Clary felt hopeful again. She held her head high and smiled.

"I'd like to finish my drink if you don't mine."

Sebastian grinned back. "Not at all."

_Grin while you can_, Clary thought, _for I will lead everyone right to you and that will be your undoing._

While she sipped her drink Clary decided that she preferred vodka over wine, which was just as well because there was no vodka in the house.

Clary finished her drink and her and Sebastian left for the house. She was feeling giddy with the anticipation of what was to come. Simon, Magnus, and the others were coming here and they were going to stop Sebastian once and for all and they'd find a way to sever the bond without harming Jace. She was smiling and she didn't even realize it. They reached the house, arriving into the kitchen. Clary was feeling lightheaded with giddy-ness. She giggled as they reached the counter, Sebastian grabbing something from the freezer. He looked over his shoulder at her, seeming thoroughly amused.

"What are you doing?" Clary wondered if all of her light-headed giddy feelings could be attributed to the phone call.

"Pouring you another drink of course." He grinned back at her.

"I don't need another drink. I'm already feeling…wonderful." Clary grinned.

Sebastian looked at her from under his lashes as he handed her a glass. "For you."

"What is it?" Clary looked at the content of his outstretched hand, skeptically.

"It's exactly what you had at the restaurant."

Clary stared at it as if it were going to bite her at any second.

"How did it get here? I thought we only had wine…"

Sebastian's lips curved upwards.

"Relax princess, it's just a drink. Nothing magical about it."

Clary looked from Sebastian to the offered beverage considering whether or not to take it. She should, she thought, reward herself and take some time off from all the guilt. It was so…exhausting…

Clary grabbed the beverage and took a step backwards, still not fully trusting Sebastian but not wanting to grieve over things that would be righted sooner than later. She let herself feel hopeful and excited once more. Things would be righted. The people she knew and loved were coming for her. They would end Sebastian and find a way to save Jace. She felt like her skin was the only thing keeping her from going everywhere at once. She hadn't felt hope this strong since she had first been introduced to the Shadowhunters. Clary took a sip reveling in her good mood. This drink was somehow more tasty than the last one she'd had at the restaurant. She looked up at Sebastain.

"It tastes…different…better, somehow…."

Sebastian only grinned and lifted his own glass in a mock toast. Tomorrow, Clary would start researching how to sever the bond between Sebastian and Jace but tonight…tonight she'd had enough grief to last her a lifetime and for now, as much as it seemed a cop-out to her, she just wanted to forget and feel relaxed. Clary felt her cheeks start to flush with every passing sip. Clary strode into the living room and walked to the DVD case, looking for a movie to put on. Sebastian watched her wordlessly from the doorway of the kitchen. Clary chose a movie, popped it into the DVD player and sat back on the sofa. They had a plan and they were coming for her and Jace. Sebastian plopped himself down on the couch next to Clary with a practiced indifference.

"What are we watching?"

"The Fifth Element. An oldie but a goodie." Clary grinned again despite herself. It was one of her favorite movies and she was in a very good mood for the first time in what seemed like forever.

"Never seen it."

Clary looked at him incredulously. "How can you have _never_ seen the Fifth Element?"

Sebastian shrugged. "There's been a lot of things I've never seen or done that most take for granted."

These situations where Sebastian reveals more of his human side always made Clary uncomfortable. She preferred good or bad, black or white. Something that made it easy to hate him and make him the bad guy. These in-betweens were too much for her to process.

She suddenly found herself feeling warm and removed her over coat that Sebastian had given her to wear on their outing. She sat back and watched as the familiar images rolled across the screen. Sebastian leaned in a tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Clary looked at him sideways.

"Nu uh, we are _not_ doing that again."

"Doing what again?" Sebastian traced his finger along her cheek.

Clary flushed at the thought of what the 'what' exactly was.

"You know what." She glared at him and he raised his hands in a surrendering gesture.

"Okay, I won't touch you."

"Good." Clary sat back once again and turned her attention to the movie. As promised, Sebastian didn't touch her again for the remainder of the movie. Clary brought her glass to her lips to take one last sip as the movie ended and was surprised to notice that her glass was already empty. Sebastian offered her another one, which she declined, and instead went to her room. Clary was feeling warm and fuzzy with the effects of the drink in her system. She plopped on her bed and, before she even realized she was tired, fell asleep.

Sometime in the night, Clary dreamed that Jace was sleeping next to her back in Idris. She remembered the quiet sound of him breathing, the smell of his soap and the warmth of him lying next to her. _Her_ Jace. Her tortured, beautiful Jace. She wanted to spend the night in his arms instead of barely holding hands but at the time, he wouldn't allow himself to get close. They thought they were related. How funny it all seemed now.

In her dream, she was on her side and Jace's body was aligned to the curve of her back with his arm over her waist. Clary loved the feeling of his body against hers and laced her fingers through his. Jace slid his fingers out from hers and caressed the small piece of exposed skin on her belly. Wildfire seemed to spread from his fingertips, lighting Clary's body. He moved his hand slowly under her shirt up to her breasts. Clary let out an almost inaudible sigh. Here, in Idris, before any of the craziness she was involved in now, she had wanted to loose her virginity to Jace. Blooms of heat erupted between her legs as Jace lightly pinched a nipple. Clary's breath caught. She rolled onto her back and Jace wasted no time relieving himself of his shirt and climbing over her. He lifted her shirt above her chest, exposing her breasts. He rolled a nipple in his fingers and teased the other with his tongue, then he moved his free hand down her body until he reached the tender area below her belly. Jace inserted a finger and Clary sucked in her breath. He prodded her slick insides before enveloping her in a steamy kiss. Clary felt all the air rush from her lungs. Jace moved down her neck, trailing kisses over her body. Down her chest, her stomach, then finally reaching it's destination. He looked up at Clary from under his golden lashes before he stuck out his tongue and sent chills up and down her body. Clary's hips rose up involuntarily to meet his mouth. He eagerly accepted her offer and grabbed the back of her thighs, keeping her pressed firmly against his lips. His tongue twisted and lapped and he sucked and swiveled until Clary thought she was loosing her mind. Cold and hot alternated all over her body rising up from her toes. Her whole body felt electric and she feared at any moment she might explode. Jace increased his pace, apparently satisfied with her responses to him. Clary whimpered as the feeling took her over. She was breathing heavy, clutching the sheets with one hand and Jace's hair with the other. An intense feeling started to wash over her.

"Oh please, Jace…" She whispered.

"Come for me, Clary." Jace breathed, husky against her skin.

Almost on command it started to happen. Clary felt the beginnings of an orgasm take her. She was going everywhere and nowhere at once. She bursted then was rigid and melting. It was the most amazing feeling. She sighed dreamily, rubbing her hand on her belly, savoring the feeling of the experience. Jace pulled himself up to meet her.

"How was that?" He asked against her lips.

"The most amazing thing I've ever experienced." She smiled into his kiss.


	19. Chapter 19

Clary drifted from one dream to another like a soap bubble floating lazily until morning came.

She woke up feeling groggy, looking for the time and then realizing there wasn't a clock in her room. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and went to the bathroom to wash her face. Sleep clung to her like snowflakes on a window and she couldn't seem to shake it. She walked down to the kitchen yearning for some coffee. Maybe that would clear the cobwebs from her head. Clary went to the coffee pot and put the settings on for multiple cups. Why was she feeling so tired? Maybe she went to bed later than she thought last night. Maybe it was the dream about Jace? Clary flushed at the thought. More dreams like that and she'd be jelly every morning. She watched the coffee drip into the pot and she willed it to brew faster.

"Sleep well?"

Clary turned, noticing that Sebastian appeared out of nowhere again. She shrugged and turned back to the coffee. She could not be expected to deal with him until she has had her caffeine. The coffee finished and Clary wasted no time in pouring herself a mug, sugar only, the way she liked it. She took a sip and felt human again as the warm liquid coursed through her, spurring life into her veins. She spun, ready to address Sebastain.

"Coffee?"

He shrugged and Clary wondered if it was more out of instinct than actual communication. "Sure. Make mine how you like yours."

Clary did so, the motions so ingrained into her they were more muscle memory than anything else. She handed him a mug while sipping her own.

He took a slow sip, testing the beverage and then, finding it satisfactory, drank down the mug in two large gulps. Clary was already turning away with her precious bounty. She had taken a few sips but that didn't mean she wanted to stay in the same room with him with how utterly exhausted she felt. Clary found her way to Jace's room, wondering how he was doing. She wasn't around when he woke up and she worried that maybe he was upset with her. More than anything, Clary was curious if her forgetting rune worked as well as she wanted it to. Jace was in his room reading a book. He looked up as she entered his doorway and his face lit up like sunshine through a cloudy sky.

"You made coffee?"

Clary looked down at her mug and back up at him. "Nope. This just magically appeared in my hands."

Jace lifted an eyebrow and a corner of his lips rose in a smirk. He rose from the bed and closed the distance between them in two strides. His large frame engulfed hers in the doorway. Clary looked up at him, savoring the lines of his face that she knew so well.

"Well then," He teased into her hair. "Could you make one magically appear in my hands as well?"

"I don't know…that's a tall order."

Jace brought his lips to hers. "I can think of other ways you could wake me up."

Clary grinned and took a step back. Jace stepped forward grabbing her waist and pulling her back into his arms. Clary awkwardly held the mug of coffee out, away from their bodies so it wouldn't splash them. Relief was so prevalent in her, Clary wanted to fist pump the air but refrained. That would draw unwanted attention, needless to say. She was happy that Jace was back to his carefree self but she also felt guilty that she was happy about it. She knew feelings and memories weren't hers to give and take but just this once, she thought, just this once…

They walked into the kitchen hand in hand. Sebastian looked up from his mug as they entered. Clary wondered if it was his second or third, judging by the way he inhaled the first one. Apparently it was his third, Clary noticed, looking at the newly brewing pot. Sebastian's eyes dropped to the interlocked hands between them and he abruptly got up from the counter. He poured the rest of his coffee in the sink and walked past them, upstairs. Clary watched him go, feeling like the temperature had dropped in the room and involuntarily shivered. In the time it took Jace to pour himself a mug and fix it to his likings, Sebastian had returned fully dressed in boots and a jacket, as well as two short swords strapped to his back. He strode past them as if they weren't standing right beside him.

"Oh, are we going out?" Jace asked, setting his mug on the counter.

"No, I'm going out. You stay here." Sebastian's eyes found Clary's and she felt like a butterfly being pinned to a display board. He spun on his heel and disappeared out of the exit leaving Clary feeling, once again, very uneasy.

"So then…" She turned, looking up at Jace who was preoccupied with caffeinating himself as thoroughly and quickly as possible.

"You're going to spontaneously combust."

Jace beamed. "You also think there's so much awesome in me that my skin can't contain it?"

"Uh, not what I was going for but if you keep drinking coffee like that there will be exploding… of the unmentionable kind." Clary gave Jace a pointed look and, upon Jace choking on his coffee, she giggled.

Clary tried to let herself relax. After all it was probably the first time that Sebastian had left her and Jace alone but for some reason Clary couldn't relax. She couldn't help but wonder what he was up to. What was he doing that he didn't want either of them to see? The possibilities running through Clary's head made her skin crawl. She didn't like that he had the upper hand but then again, it seemed that he always had the upper hand. He always saw everything coming before Clary even had formulated a plan. Clary could only hope that even if he predicted her friends coming that he wouldn't be able to stop it. He was only one person. Unless he was out gathering reinforcements. Clary's blood ran cold and she had the sudden urge to bolt for the door. She knew that even if she was in the same spot it was useless. She knew it only responded to Sebastian and Jace. Clary turned back towards Jace.

"Let's go take a walk around town." She tried to manage casual and cheery.

Jace finished gulping down his coffee. "You want to show me off to the local girls?"

Clary rolled her eyes. "Yes, I've been waiting all day for you to _grace_ everyone else with your presence."

He shrugged and put his hands out. "I know…it's tough being so dreamy."

The mention took Clary back to her dream the night before and she turned scarlet. Jace pulled Clary out of her thoughts by turning her face once more to his.

"If it's a date you want, it's a date you shall have."

Perfect. Now all she had to do was try to follow Sebastian, if she could figure out where he went, without letting it on to Jace that that's what she was doing.


	20. Chapter 20

On the other side of the wall Clary took in her surroundings. She looked around and then back to Jace.

"Where…?"

Jace looked around and inhaled appreciatively. "Looks like we're back in France."

Clary looked around once more. They were in the middle of a town but not a big one like Paris. Why would they come back to France? Clary looked around to see if there was any way she could figure out which way Sebastian had gone. People shuffled past her, oblivious to the fact that she and Jace had just manifested themselves in the middle of the town square seemingly out of nowhere. From here there were many alleyways and paths leading in different directions to the rest of the town but none that screamed 'choose me'. Clary felt lost.

Then she remembered the steele in her back pocket. She didn't have anything of his that could be used for tracking and she didn't know how to perform a tracking spell regardless. However, Clary thought, perhaps there was a way she could make herself see different wavelengths and track him that way? Could she make herself sense him like warlocks were able to do automatically? It took Clary a moment to realize that Jace was speaking to her.

She shook herself out of her thoughts. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

Jace chuckled. "I asked if you had anything particularly in mind for our date?"

"Oh, well…I don't really know much about France so…I'll leave it to you." Clary tried her most convincing smile and, judging by Jace's reaction, she succeeded.

He beamed down at her. "Oh, you just want to show me off? Leave it to me." He winked and Clary followed him while looking around. She needed to be alone, even for a moment. But first…she had to think of what rune she'd use and what exactly she was hoping it'd do. She needed to have it securely in her mind before she was able to draw it while carrying on a conversation with Jace. She hoped she had consumed enough caffeine to multitask to this extent. Then again…

"Jace?"

He stopped and turned towards her at the sound of his name.

"Do you think we could grab some coffee. I'm really in the mood for some."

Jace wrapped his arm around her waist and he brushed his lips against hers. "I think that's a fairly easy request."

Perfect. Jace led her by the hand around to a quaint little cafe on the edge of the square. Clary glanced around as they entered.

"I'll grab us a table if you don't mind ordering. You already know how I like my coffee."

Jace nodded and headed off to the counter. Clary found a table off in the back that would give her a moment of solitude before Jace came back. Concentrate. What was it exactly she wanted to create? A hyper-sensitivity rune? Would it work? Only one way to find out. She shut her eyes and concentrated on what it was she wanted. Soon a shape started to form in her mind. She slowly drew out the steele and put it against the skin of her side where her shirt could easily hide it. She concentrated harder and felt the familiar burn on her skin. An unfamiliar shape sprouted from the steele onto her skin and she opened her eyes once it was completed. She didn't feel any different. She looked around her at the people enjoying their beverages. Nothing looked different. She looked up as Jace approached the table with two coffees and a couple of pastries. Clary greeted him with a smile even though she couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

Jace set a coffee in front of her and plopped himself in the seat across from hers. "I wasn't sure if you wanted a chocolate croissant or a pistachio one so I got both."

"They look delicious." Clary grabbed a piece of the chocolate croissant and nibbled while she sipped her coffee, wondering what it was she had done wrong. Then it started. Her eyes burned and her vision started to blur. She rubbed her eyes. Nothing. The burning intensified until tears started rolling freely down her checks. She covered her eyes with her hands and excused herself from the table before Jace could take notice.

"I have to use the bathroom. I'll be right back."

Clary rushed to the bathroom and rinsed her eyes with cold water. She looked into the mirror at the blurry, red-eyed version of herself. She rubbed her eyes again and they started to clear. She stared back at the reflection concentrating on her. The red in her eyes started to withdraw into her irises like it was being absorbed through a straw. Her pupils expanded and momentarily turned silver. Clary stepped back in shock and noticed the reflection of herself had a glow around it. An aura? A wavelength? Whatever it was called…the rune had worked.

Clary walked nervously back to the table. Everyone had a different glow about them now. She returned to the table and her breath caught in her throat. Jace was at the table and an attractive waitress was eagerly vying for his attention. He sat distractedly munching on a croissant, clearly bored with the attention. The glow around her was soft and pink and his was bright gold. It was the most beautiful thing Clary had ever seen. It wasn't until she got closer that she noticed a black streak swirling through the it. She sat and the waitress, looking annoyed, spun on her heel huffing at the "rudeness of Americans". Clary realized the streak actually looked more like smoke close up and it was purple. It was so dark it looked black from a distance. That must be it, Clary thought. That must be the specific aura that Sebastian had. She tried to tune in to the purple smoke swirling around Jace's golden aura. It pulsated and Clary _felt _it. She could sense it.

She was more than eager to go outside and try out her temporary talent but she didn't want to arouse Jace's suspicions so she waited until the coffee and croissants had been consumed. Once they were outside she tried to focus on that particular wavelength. She felt a subtle pull towards the other side of the square.

Clary looped her arm through Jace's and pointed in that direction. "What's over there?"

Jace looked thoughtfully for a moment. "Just some shops I think. You wanna go that way?"

Clary looked up at him through her lashes. "If you don't mind."

He grinned. "Whatever you want."

She felt sick. Clary didn't like manipulating or deceiving Jace like this but she had to know what Sebastian was up to. Especially if that meant it was going to make it impossible for her friends to find them. Sebastian had to be put down. If she left on her own they may never find him again and she'd loose her chance. She wasn't about to leave him or Jace without knowing for a fact that she'd be able to find them again.

They headed off in the direction that Clary felt the wavelength was coming from. Because it was a rune she'd never used before she wasn't sure how long the effects would last. She only hoped that she was able to find out something, even if it was only a small something, before the rune disappeared.


	21. Chapter 21

Clary focused on the pull and followed it to the other side of the square. It took her down a path laden with shops. Just as she'd enter one, the pull changed and led her to another. It felt like they were always almost there, like following a ghost. By the fourth shop, Clary felt the pull start to weaken. The rune was wearing off. She scanned her surroundings for any clues but there was nothing to be found. She glanced back at Jace who was completely at ease with the "sight-seeing". At least she had that on her side. She stopped and turned to him. He arched an eyebrow questioningly at her.

"You ready to go?"

_No. I'm ready to find Sebastian and stab him in the eye_. "Yeah."

Jace shrugged an arm around her shoulders with his other hand in his pocket and they walked back to what Clary was starting to call "the lair". It was fitting. She even mentally added the air quotes done with fingers when the name crossed her mind.

Back inside Clary felt a mixture of disappointment and irritation. Jace was chatting happily next to her as she walked past the bar into the living room. Things weren't moving fast enough and they weren't going how she had hoped. Clary sighed.

"Jeez, am I boring you that much?"

"No, I'm sorry…I had a really nice time. I'm just kind of tired. I haven't been sleeping that well."

Jace bent over and kissed her forehead. She smiled up at him.

"Well, I was thinking about watching a movie. Would you want to watch something with me?"

Clary thought for a moment. "Sure. Why not?"

Clary didn't even bother to take notice to what movie Jace chose. As soon as he settled back in the sofa, she snuggled up against his side, and almost immediately, sleep took her.

Clary was standing on a plank of wood. There was water all around her as far as she could see. How the plank was keeping her up, she had no idea. Land surged upon her out of nowhere. She jumped from the plank to the hill looming in front of her. She looked around again as she neared the top. There was a house and a yard up ahead that were very familiar.

Simon's house.

She started towards the house that was more familiar to her than her own. Spray paint and vandalism had turned her childhood retreat into a dilapidated mess. Clary pushed her way through the rubble in the yard and stepped inside. The door was already open, hanging on to it's hinges only by the rust. Inside was dark and dusty and Clary covered her mouth to keep from coughing.

"Simon?"

She wandered through the house to his room, her feet already knowing the way while her mind spun. Clary stopped with her hand on the doorknob to his room. What would she find on the other side? She let herself in. Simon was sitting in the corner of the room, his back to her.

"Simon?" She called again, approaching him apprehensively.

He turned just enough to eye the intruder. Clary smiled. "Simon, it's me, Clary."

Simon stood and turned towards her. He'd grown. He was now more than a head taller than her. He's features perfect, his hair, despite it being rumpled, was immaculate. The effects of vampire blood was amazing, Clary thought.

Simon towered over her and Clary suddenly felt the urge to run the other direction.

"Clary?"

"Yes, Simon. I'm here."

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. "Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why did you come here?"

Clary pulled back and looked into his eyes. "I'll always come for you, Simon."

His eyes shone red in the darkness and he grinned a humorless grin.

"You don't want to leave me but you don't want to have me. Give me a break."

"What?" Clary tried to keep the hurt from her voice. The grin slid from his face.

"I've loved you my whole life and you _kept_ me. Like a pet."

"No, Simon. That's not true."

"Do you love me?"

"Simon—that's…"

"Do. You. Love. Me?"

He enunciated every word slowly. Clary wanted to look away but his eyes scared her. There were burning; small circles of infernos raging in his face. Clary took a breath to steady herself. This was Simon. This was _her_ Simon. She knew him better than anyone else. She had nothing to be afraid of.

"You know I do."

The corners of Simon's mouth pulled back up once more. He leaned in close to her and Clary put her arms around him. Simon grabbed Clary's back with a force she wasn't sure he realized. She gasped from the sudden pain shooting up her spine.

"Simon, that hurts!"

He dug his other hand into the back of her shoulder blade, rooting her to him.

"Simon…you're scaring me…"

He inhaled the smell of her hair and brought his face down to her neck.

"Clary?"

She was trembling. "Yes?"

But her question was never answered. Simon ripped her shirt to the side and sank his teeth into her neck with such force, Clary felt her collarbone snap. She screamed in agony but the only sound she heard was Simon laughing.

She woke with a start, a thin veil of sweat clinging to her skin. The movie was over and the credits were rolling up the screen. Jace was sleeping beside her, oblivious to her nightmare. Clary took a minute to calm herself down. What was that? Just a nightmare she hoped. She sighed still feeling shaky. Clary walked to the fridge to grab a glass of water. She was so absorbed in her thoughts she didn't notice the movement behind her.

"Have a fun outing?" A voice asked in her ear. She already knew who it was by the way her blood ran cold.

"I saw you, you know." He wrapped his arm securely around her waist so she couldn't walk away.

"I saw you following me. I was watching you."

Clary's stomach hit the floor. He knew. He knew the whole time. Her legs felt shaky and threatened to give out from under her. His other hand snaked around her jaw and locked in on it with a vice grip. Sebastian ran his teeth across her ear and elicited an unwanted shudder from her.

"Stop." Was all she managed.

"Do you think that there is anything you do that I don't know about?"

"Go to hell."

He chuckled. This time the heat from his breath was directly on the back of her neck, making her hair stand on end.

Her hands reached up and grabbed the hand that Sebastian had her jaw by. He squeezed slightly, letting her know he could break her jaw any moment. The ball was in his court, just like it always seemed to be. Clary couldn't get a step ahead. If she did anything he didn't like, he'd break her jaw without a second thought. She was so shaken by her dream, she let her guard down and that was something potentially fatal.

Sebastian ran his teeth down the other side of Clary's neck and moved his hand from restraining her waist to onto her belly. It slid upwards under her shirt and moved along her skin until he was freely fondling her. Her hands immediately went to ward off the oncoming attack. Sebastian spun her around to face him, her jaw still locked in his grip and he shoved her up against the wall with a force that made Clary see stars. She wondered if Jace would wake from the noise. Sebastian was all but centimeters from her face.

"You are mine, Clary. Please don't mistake the freedom I give you for stupidity on my part."

He pressed his body against hers making it difficult for her to breathe. Sebastian pressed his lips to hers and then he was gone. Clary practically fell from the wall, the release was so sudden. She gasped in a couple of breaths before walking into the living room. Jace was still sleeping, then again, they really didn't make almost any noise. It wasn't like she could scream at him with her jaw unhinged. Standing over Jace in the living room, Clary tried to weigh her options. It didn't seem like many were left to her. Maybe taking a shower could help clear her head. She was always able to sort things out in the shower for whatever reason.


	22. Chapter 22

Clary turned on the hot water and locked the door. She stepped into the shower and let the water run over her as she tried to organize her thoughts. So many things were at odds with her. Clary found herself wondering if any of her plans would actually succeed and if not, what was to become of her? Was she to become Sebastain's slave and do whatever he wished? What would become of Jace? She needed to be able to speak with Simon.

Simon.

Flashes of her dream came rushing back to her. Clary shook her head. It was just a dream. Probably from the guilt that Clary felt about Simon's unrequited feelings. It's not that she didn't care, she did and she tried. She really tried to be romantically attracted to him but it was no use. She was in love with Jace. Simon and her were good though. Maybe something in her subconscious stirred up feelings that spurred the dream? Whatever it was, it was just a dream and Clary needed to put it behind her and think. It'd be great if she could get a fire message to Simon but she couldn't because she wasn't a warlock. It'd be even better if she could call him but, because of her run-in with Sebastian a minute ago in the kitchen, she wondered if even the first time she called him he knew about it. She could portal to him but there would be no guarantee that she would be able to find Sebastian and Jace again. Maybe she could write a letter and then concentrate on Simon and portal a letter to him? Clary shook her head. That would never work. What she needed was a means of ongoing communication, like the faerie ring that she had that she lost. _Think Clary!_

What if…she could come up with a rune that turned something like…say a mirror into a two-way communication device? She could summon Simon as long as he was near a reflective surface and they would be able to speak that way. It would have to be a mirror that no one else used though…just in case he could also summon her. A mirror all her own…

There were lots of shops around. It would give her an excuse to peruse around town. She would have to find a pocket mirror. Like the ones most girls used for makeup applications. It had to be something small she could keep on her at all times that wouldn't arouse suspicion. Clary grinned. Now at least, she had a start. Maybe not a plan just yet, but at least she had a start. If she was able to pull this off then she would have a plan. For now, she decided to set her sights on one goal at a time.

She turned off the water just as it was starting to loose it's heat. Clary stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself feeling refreshed. The steam from the hot water had fogged up the mirror. Clary turned to wipe away the fog and noticed something written on the mirror through the steam.

любимая

Russian? It didn't look like it was recent. It's like when you've written something on a window and cold air or someone's breath brings it back. A phantom message. Was it meant for her or was it something she wasn't supposed to see? Either way, she really wanted to know what it meant. Clary pressed the door open just a bit to see if anyone was around. Seeing that the hall was empty she padded quickly to her room and grabbed her sketch pad. She proceeded just as swiftly back to the bathroom to draw the writing on the mirror before the fog disappeared. It was strange, Clary thought, the letters seemed really square and rigid but also very lovely and mysterious at the same time. Towel wrapped securely around her middle and sketchbook in hand, she went back to her room as quick as possible. Only when she was back in her room with her door shut did she realize that she had already used all of the spare clothes she had brought with her. Did this place have a washer and dryer anywhere? She would have to wear something from the wardrobe of what Valentine had bought for her mother. Clary shuddered at the thought. _I suppose it's that or a towel._

She ventured to the room, opened the wardrobe and ruffled through the onslaught of severely outdated attire. She managed to find a spring dress and was mostly earthy tones and lace. Clary thought a dress would be easier until she was able to wash her jeans. Or maybe she could have Sebastian buy her a new pair? He seemed to jump at the opportunity to buy her clothes.

Clary stopped in her tracks at her train of thought as she slid the dress on over her head. Was she actually getting comfortable enough to have those kinds of thoughts? Ugh. Maybe not though. She could have Sebastian take her shopping. That way she could keep an eye on him and help disperse his suspicions all at the same time. It'd be even better if she just 'happened' to find a lovely little mirror on their outing. It actually may all work out perfectly. It only depended on Sebastian. His mood swings were as volatile as they were unpredictable. Maybe, if approached right, she could get him to suggest an outing himself. That way he was the least likely to get moody with her and also she'd be killing two birds with one stone. Now, the only problem was casually conversing with him after their less than friendly encounter in the kitchen. He was, after all, the last person Clary wanted to see. She rubbed her jaw tenderly. It felt bruised beneath her fingers. She sighed heavily and sunk to the floor in front of the wardrobe, the dress pooling around her delicately. It seemed she was always two steps behind. Every idea, every plan she came up with…she was always two steps behind Sebastian who seemed to think of everything.

Clary looked up as a figure filled the doorway. She couldn't help glaring.

"What do you want, Sebastain?"

A slow wicked grin spread across his features as his eyes traveled down her body.

"I like the dress."

"I didn't do it for you. I need to wash my clothes and there's nothing else to wear."

She looked away from him, unable to stand the smug expression he wore. He stood with his arms crossed, studying her.

"Do you hate me?"

"What do you think?"

Sebastian walked over to her and crouched beside her. "I think, dear sister, that nothing feels more right than me and it scares you."

Clary scoffed and rolled her eyes.

Sebastian leaned forward, dropping his voice. "I think that when I touch you, you like it and I think you call me a monster to mask the disgust you feel with yourself from getting turned by me."

"That's honestly what you think? No wonder you're so damn delusional."

Clary moved to get up and leave but Sebastian blocked her path.

"I don't like that tone in your voice." He stood bearing down on her.

Clary looked up at him, already bored with the conversation.

"What do you want, Sebastain?" She reiterated.

"My, aren't we in a mood."

"I don't have any clothes of my own here that aren't dirty and the only other clothes I can wear were meant for _my mom_... I'd like to see you in a wonderful mood without your luxurious wardrobe."

He seemed to consider this for a moment before responding.

"I'll take you shopping." He shrugged nonchalantly.

"I'd prefer my own clothes. From _my house_. I have enough clothes there, I don't need anymore." Clary paused before continuing. "Where do you get all this money from anyways?"

Sebastain waved away her question. "I'm taking you shopping tomorrow." He leaned in a hair's breath away from her face. "There is no other home to you now, Clary. Just this. This is all there is for you. The sooner you come to terms with that, the happier we'll all be."

It took all of her self-restraint from saying something nasty to him. This was what she wanted. It wasn't the way she was hoping the conversation would go but she wasn't about to ruin any chance she had of seeing her plan through. He turned and left, taking her silence for compliance. Clary stood, seething. She wished she wouldn't let him get under her skin but he knew exactly what to say to get her blood boiling. Man, did she want to punch something.

Clary stomped out, heading directly to the training room.


End file.
